The year is now 2010.....

Yep - I let Page stay up with me and we watched the ball drop while Dick Clark talked - bless his heart. It makes my heart swell every time I see him - he is such a trooper! A neighbor up the street always has fireworks at various times of the year and we could hear them but not see them. It was way too cold to go out to the end of the driveway; Big D was snoring as loud as the fireworks and I knew I wasn't going out in that cold. Just a little re-cap of the week. Ann, Boy and Biscuit came over Tuesday for lunch. I seared some marinated Salmon steaks and roasted a vegetable medley for lunch but was feeling so bad I couldn't eat. I was running another fever and got sicker as the day went on. Lee came over later and Big D cooked some cheeseburgers on the grill -nothing fancy but it was good. Lee and Ann were talking about how they have been passing sickness around between the four of them for over 3 weeks. Ann brought all of us fresh eggs from her laying hens - yum. I called my doctor's office Wednesday before Page1 left and spoke with his nurse. She said there is a virus going around with fever and a bad cough and it sounded like she might have it too! She told me what to do and what to watch for in case it gets worse. Whatever! Page1 got on the road close to 3pm and called later that night to say she was home safe and sound once again which made me happy. Her visit was way too short this time but she has a lot to do to prepare for next year and I know she wants to spend some time with Bentley. She wrote out a list of things for Page2 to keep her occupied. Tonight Page2 told me she sure wished I wasn't sick cause she wanted to hug me. Bless her heart - I want to hug her too but am trying really hard to keep her away from ME and my GERMS. One project was lining up the dominos in the hallway and Big D helped her. It worked pretty good when they were knocked down but my video didn't do well since it was so dark and nighttime. Big D cooked lobster tails and fresh shrimp for dinner so Page ate real good cause she loves seafood! She also remembered her PlayDoh Station! She made me a nice little cake! It is so funny how I let Page2 play with her PlayDoh here. I never allowed it in my house with my kids! They had to play with it at Grandma's house! The PlayDoh today is much better than what my kids had.! No - really it is. She is going home tomorrow and I will miss her but I know she has been so bored this trip. I felt bad I couldn't get Page2 with her cousins or friends from the KH. I promised to make it up to her on her next visit. I talked with my oldest sister Ann and she sounded pretty good. I also called my middle sister Ruth and we chatted for a bit. She was having lunch and said she would call me back. I had a nice chat with my oldest niece last night (they were at the beach) and she sounded good as usual. So good-bye 2009 - you have been a much more eventful year than I ever would have anticipated. Had surgery on my neck and the follow-up news; so angry and disappointed about having to work much longer than planned; not making my time for the year; getting real sick three times between August and October; having to take antibiotics three different times in four months and now sick again this week! But Hey!! As Scarlett would say, "after all, tomorrow is another day! Maybe I should go to Tara - things are always better at Tara!" We all need a Tara don't we?

Denial.....

After looking at my blog entry from yesterday, I just realized something else about myself. I have more of my Mama in me than I thought. I have a sister who likes to say - "Oh yeah - I am Mama's daughter - just find me some sand and I will stick my head in it up to my ears rather than have to deal with anything". Then she will just conveniently "forget" whatever "it" was. I have another sister who literally does forget everything, another sister who kind of remembers everything and a sister who says she remembers EVERYTHING - even things that happened when she wasn't even thought of or even scarier - things that absolutely never happened anywhere but in her own imagination. The scary thing about the last two is they will swear someone down that what they are saying happened!? Hello? I learned so much more about my past when I read the letters Mama wrote my sister and some other people and we got copies of them. After reading some of the book I mentioned on the entry from yesterday - I realized that I too have been in denial about some things and really do need to be a little more pro-active in certain areas of my life. When I stopped working - it was such a relief to not have to hold so much "stuff" in my head all the time. I'll have to say that pioneering really is a full time job and I need to hold a few more things in my memory than I do because of return visits, bible studies, etc. - what would I do without the calendar function on my phone? My life is now in that little phone! Because of my sweet sister who worries herself into a frenzy about every tiny little thing that she can't control - I have worked so hard to not be like her that I have became a little too blase' about some things. After this week, I need to buy out a little time, sit down somewhere quiet for a bit and think about some things. That should be interesting.

Almost gone......

Yep - it has come to that time of year again - the year is almost gone and my time with my babies is once again going by much too fast. Little D., Leah and Page2 got here on Thursday night and it was so good to see them. Little D and Leah went to see Avatar Friday night and loved it! Leah, Page2 and I got pedicures and manicures Saturday afternoon and Page 1 had just arrived when we got home. Page2 picked her favorite color - Gold. Her manicure just consisted of them polishing her fingernails but she did have the pedicure - with again; gold polish. Notice how cute the little cuff is on her arm. As soon as we all greeted each other, it was time for Leah to start working on her famous Basil Thai Chicken and Jasmine Rice. I can't even begin to describe how delicious it was. It took quite awhile to prepare and no time at all for it to disappear! Douglas made a Pear dessert with fresh Bosc Pears, brandy, and some other things and it rocked also - and the oven door WOMPED one time! Alcohol and the stove - hmmm. I'm not sure what was going on but I ran a fever all Saturday night - finally got up around 2:45am to check and it was almost 101 which for me is very high. I took some Tylenol and went back to bed. I just layed around all day Sunday and Big D made his famous BBQ Chicken and Slaw and I put together some roasted veggies for lunch/dinner. A nice surprise was Rose and Wayne coming by to visit with the kids and they stayed and ate with us. It was nice being together again. They both look great as always. It was sad that Little D and Leah had to leave but they both had to be at work today. Leah added tons of Page's CD's to her new iPod we gave her for their anniversary and she was so excited! I had a little fever last night and still have a little cough but not sure what it is. I spoke with a friend who said her sons had something similar and the doctor said it is a virus so that raises a question. Am I going to catch every single virus going around this year? Give me a break! I slept 10 hours last night - woke up at 9am and heard Page talking to Big D, rolled over and next time I looked it was 10AM! Yum. Poor Page - she was getting ready for her massage today and felt like she was developing a UTI. I called my doctor and he worked her in and yep - she was right. We dropped her off for her massage - picked up her meds, visited with Roseanne for a second (to use her bathroom at the shop) and got a few groceries. My doctor wants her to talk to her doctor about getting that kidney stone out since she hasn't passed it. Big D picked up Chinese for dinner tonight at Page's favorite Chinese place - China Inn Express out on Hwy 54 in RTP. YUM.Then we baked some sugar cookies and Page2 decorated them with chocolate icing. Page bought me a book she picked up at the library called Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Karr. I just skimmed through it - some of it was very funny and poignant at the same time and some of it was just a little too irreverent for me but I'll have to say it was REAL. I enjoyed the experiences of the other young women she found and surrounded herself with who were going through a cancer experience and what they all gave to each other. I could relate to so much of what she and the other women said about their own experiences with how people react to you about it. Recently someone said, I thought your cancer was totally taken care of. Hmmmm. She delved into many areas of alternative medicine; the drastic changes in her diet always displaying a wicked sense of humor and touched on her spiritual journey (of sorts). Her language is a little salty (to say the least) and she gets angry but the way she expressed her actual feelings about the way her life changed totally from the moment she heard the C word was good. I may join her blog crazysexycancer.com to see what types of things she sends and it looks like her team includes a well know cancer specialist. I guess my new word for 2010 should be PRO-ACTIVE. What do you think?

Heavy and Sad

I wrote a very long entry but decided to delete it. I was feeling very heavy and sad about something on this night and typed it out, reviewed it a couple of times and eventually deleted it to a private file to review again later. And yes - the picture depicts my sadness to the point of crying several times but not my rage. I want my Blog to be upbuilding to those who read it - not depressing. The reality of life is - some things happen that make us feel heavy and sad like a dark rainy day but I had a nice chat with Roseanne and am sure I will again - nice to have a good friend who catalog things but never shares them with anyone else. Someone you can tell your deepest, angriest feelings to and know they recognize you just have a need to vent and that eventually you will be okay again. This one has taken some time but I'm sure this too shall pass. I have more important things to think about. My whole family will be with me this weekend and hopefully I'll feel much better by the time they get here. Either way - life will continue to move around us so we may as well learn to float during those peaceful times we can and expect to have to swim hard at other times.

Winding down, d o w n, d o w n.....

Yep - I think I can feel 2009 winding down - it is hard to describe but it is almost something tangible. I'm moving slower - noticed it first yesterday afternoon when the sun was so warm inside the car and I wanted to sleep. The feeling carried over to this morning when Luz and I had her study in my car in the parking lot of McDonalds downtown. Even when I realized my battery was dead (the lights were on), I felt no sense of rushing to get anywhere. I asked the young men in the car beside us to help me use my handy dandy jumper cables and it worked! Luz and I came to my house where we grabbed a quick bite and then went out to the hospital to visit the dear old friend I mentioned. It appears we were there at just the right time of day because he was so awake and talkative and I will treasure the time we had. I hate I missed his wife - she had gone home to get a shower and a little rest but I got to be with his son and daughter-in-law. We made a few more calls and went to the grocery store where I ran into Eileen's beautiful daughter - Les. I noticed a beautiful young woman with green eyes and long blonde hair as I walked past her and she called my name! What a treat! She lives on my side of town now so maybe we will run into each other again soon. Leah called to say they are going to try and get away early Thursday afternoon and should be here in time for dinner! Woo Hoo! We can't wait to see them. I have a lot to do before they all get here but for now - I plan to hold that feeling of winding down. Relaxed - like a sundial in a warm garden - in France or Italy - or even at the coast with the sea breeze moving the clouds across the sky of 2009 as it continues to wind down.

Comments Welcomed.....

I wish there was a way to know who has read my blog - I haven't given it out to many people and I know most of them read it but only two or three people have commented. I'm just curious as to who has read what. Thank you Roseanne and Katarina as you have made the most comments. I know most people don't really have that much time to even read blogs, much less go through the process of commenting so I'm not complaining. I do try to comment on other's blogs when I read them - I want them to know I appreciate being invited to read their meandering thoughts and keeping up with them. I save my favorite blogs as shortcuts on my desktop so I can check them each day or so. Sometimes I have to wait to add a comment but I do keep up with them. I have been doing FB a lot lately because of a young sister's adventures while she is serving as a "need greater" in the Dominican Republic. I have really enjoyed following her activities. It has also been nice to touch base with some from years ago but can't do too much on there - just in spurts.

Another Monday, Another Month, Another Year...

It is so hard to believe another year is almost gone. There will only be one more Monday in the year of 2009 and it makes you wonder where did it go? Psalm 90:10 says: "In themselves in the days of our years are seventy years; And if because of special mightiness they are eighty years, Yet their insistence is on trouble and hurtful things; For it must quickly pass by, and away we fly." So time for man on the earth goes by very quickly and yet Ecclesiastes 1:4 says "the earth is standing to time indefinite." Time indefinite - what a wonderful hope and yet it is hard for mankind to fathom until he stops and thinks about it. When we are younger time stretches out in front of us - indefinitely. It isn't until we are much older and faced with our own mortality that time takes on a bigger meaning and seems so short. It is then that the words "time indefinite" become much more meaningful to us and something we long to obtain.
2009 was a pretty eventful year - some good events and others not so good. I was diagnosed with Cancer on March 27th after having a growth removed from my neck. That was a really big surprise but so far, so good. I don't dwell on it for the most part but it is there - especially today. The last time I.T. was in the hospital, a dear old friend was also diagnosed with cancer and is losing his battle to it this week. That was very fast - and it just doesn't seem fair. The reality of this old world is that our time here is fleeting and the reason it seems unfair is because it is not how it was meant to be. The good news is most of you who are reading this know that this is not the way it will continue to be much longer and for that - we can breath a nice big sigh of relief. In the meantime though, we have to deal with the passing of time - realizing that it will mean more and closer losses as we get older.
We lost I.T. in June and his youngest daughter a few weeks after he died. That was hard for everyone - so many emotions to deal with at one time but we are all still here. Bentley has been having a lot of problems with his job - hopefully it will get better for him soon. Page is being a little overworked right now because of circumstances beyond her control but seems to be managing okay. Leah is still working a lot of overtime but seems to still really love her job. Little D is getting used to his new role and doesn't have the anger and frustration he was going through at the old property. Page2 is doing well - growing up and so sweet. Big D and I are plugging along. We have been getting his Medicare/Social Security/Health Insurance straightened out but aren't all the way there yet. It is hard to believe Big D is 65, that I am 63 and that we have been married for 44 years years. All the kids are coming in this weekend and Page1 will be with me until Wednesday and Page2 will be with me the whole week. I can't wait to see them.

So come on 2010 - show us what you have for us! We have a new song book and new songs to learn, Roseanne and I are looking forward to our little getaway, Eileen is doing so well and we also hope to get away for a quick weekend - maybe with the other three girls in the car for our convention this past summer, trying to pick a time to visit with Fran down at Oak Island, need to pick a time to visit my sister Ann in PA, want to see more of my babies this year whether is it them here or me there, praying Ava will hold on another year because we can't afford another car, and enjoying my career of regular pioneering. Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping - into the future..... now I need to record my time for today......