Melancholy...

If a person starts feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it can result in melancholy. Thankfully, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't necessarily a train but lately, it has been harder to hold on to that thought. Sing a sad song in a lonely place; Try to put a word in for me; It's been so long since I found this place' You better put in two or three -Sad Song - Oasis I don't know why we are drawn to sad songs but there are so many out there that stir our hearts and emotions at times to tears. Different songs apply to different events in life and for the most part, they are beautiful. I started writing in my blog around 7:20 tonight and was feeling very melancholy but then my sister Rose and her sweet hubby Wayne came by to pick up some videos I have been saving on the porch for her. He also wanted to pick up the memories I have of Ann - he is writing a poem about her and also plans to read some of our memories at her graveside service when she dies. It has been an extremely emotional week - I was so sad that I found myself crying all day last Monday. I talked to Ann Tuesday and felt much better. She said the morphine was working great but I called Naoki after I hung up because I was concerned about her voice being a little drugged sounding. He told me she was that way back after her first big surgery 3 years ago when she was on the same dosage of morphine but that she had been up and moving around a lot more since she started taking it. Getting back out in the field helped a lot but Ann has been on my mind constantly. When I look at this picture taken as a slide back in 1961 when they got married and we went to the beach, it reminds me just how beautiful she was. She was only 26 here which means I was 14. Rose and Wayne totally enjoyed the slides I showed them on the computer - especially the ones of them and their babies when they were so young. I'll have the admit - the King girls really were a pretty group of young women/girls - and Mama and Daddy were proud of each and every one of us. The picture above was taken December, 1964 and I had just turned 18 the month before. Wayne is in the suit, Rose is holding her son and I'm holding Ann's oldest son Warren. You can just see Dee's eyes and the top of Ann2's head. Wayne and Rose enjoyed all of them and I'll try to post more later. We talked a lot about Ann tonight and I printed out some of my memories. I called last night to see how the Hospice Consult went on Thursday and I couldn't understand a word Ann was saying. Lolo took the phone and basically said she wasn't doing well at all. She can't make herself understood (and yes, they counted the pills and she hasn't taken more than she was supposed to) and is very, very weak. It was very emotional and quite a shock. I told them I would try to get back up there. I couldn't stop crying so I called my spiritual mom Cat and we talked for over an hour which helped. The Hospice nurse was to come today so I talked to Naoki while she was there. We are pretty perplexed right now but when Lolo told Ann I was coming up, Ann kissed her hand so I am definitely going. BigD called from the coast to say he would drive me up. We will play it by ear after we see how everything is. Lolo got so excited that BigD is coming - Tad has asked about him a lot so hopefully it will help him during this hard time they are all experiencing. It helps so much to know that Lolo and Naoki are right next door to be there for both of them.

Insomnia....

Insomnia: a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep. Yep - here I am at 4:29am sitting at the computer listening to BigD and Miya snoring away. How do you spell jealous? My sleep pattern became even more convoluted while I was up North with my sister and my internal clock is still not in sync. We had our Pioneer Meeting with the CO Saturday morning at 8am since there was a Memorial and wedding going on in the afternoon. The CO's wife approached me after that meeting to confirm we were working together. I was caught a little off-guard. I knew I would be out of town during the week so the elder said he would put my name down tentatively for Saturday but he knew the CO and his wife normally worked together on Saturdays. When she approached me, the first thing she asked me was how my sister was. How thoughtful. I had forgotten all about the tentative plan for us to work together and as it turned out; the CO and his wife did work together but allowed me and a young sister in our congregation to join them. They both have such calming and pleasant personalities - the morning was good. The talks today were excellent and it was good being back with everyone. I've been taking it easy since I got back - trying to rest. I was so sleepy when I got home Saturday I finally took a nap which kept me awake until almost 3am yesterday morning so I stayed awake today and I'm still not asleep. I tried reading and when I felt sleepy, I turned off the light without looking at the clock because I knew it was late (early). As soon as I turned over, my mind snapped awake and has been going a mile a minute. So - I just sent an email to the funeral home asking for an afternoon appointment for tomorrow (today)so I can give them the check for the pre-paid funeral and to give approval of the monument I hope can be put into place as soon as possible. Then I sent an email to Gail asking her to remind me of the date we have set aside for Gerl's going away party (I deleted my entire telephone calendar by mistake and I LIVE by that stupid calendar). I also just noticed I still haven't paid sales tax and we have a new bill sitting on my desk. I also have got to call Wayne to set up a date for him to bring his talk over here this week for me to type for him. Yep - I've got to make a list of things to do - for me that is the easy part. Keeping up with the list is another matter. Added to this is my first priority to be in service - so far behind - but is the one thing that brings balance to my world these days. Without it, you could definitely color me OVERWHELMED : to overwhelm -1.To engulf, surge-over and submerge (The dinghy was overwhelmed by the great wave.)2.To overpower emotionally (He was overwhelmed with guilt.Joy overwhelmed her when she realized that she had won a million dollars.)

Forget it - I just remembered two more things for the list so just go ahead and color me overwhelmed. :-) Oh My - I was reading over the entry and realized I slept through Katarina's son's little "going to school" party on Saturday. I'm sorry Katarina - my mind is oatmeal these days. Yep - overwhelmed is pretty much where my life is at right now - I think I'll just hang on for the ride. Signing off at 5:09AM. Maybe two hours sleep?

Re-cap of trip.....

How to begin - hmmm - at the beginning and with few words. I know - you don't think I can do it but I can - here goes.........
Just one small view of what we could never capture on camera from a moving car. The little back roads taking us to West Virginia were lovely but then we came out onto open roads to breathtaking vistas.A lovely garden in honor of Lolo's Mom in their back yard. I love how Ann and Naoki and Lolo's backyards combine to make one big playground for Michael and Page. Ann loved hearing their screams of laughter through her window (did I mention that she doesn't use her air conditioning?).Our beautiful Lolo with a little girl she keeps for her friend and who Michael has adopted as his "niece". She is such a cutie pie. Lolo fixed a feast for us that night and was in the middle of grilling steaks outside when a big thunderstorm (with lightening) came through drenching her. Then the power went out for a few hours and had just come back on when her friends dropped in with a second dessert. Lolo outdid herself in the kitchen this week - breakfast casserole, cheesy potato casserole, steaks, grilled chicken and her famous oven baked french toast. Lolo and Leah were in the kitchen talking most of the time we were there. We kept raving about her great cooking and her son and hubby came up with her famous cream puff pastry cake/pie. YUM. It seemed like when one of them would mention something she fixed they liked, off she went to the store for the ingredients to fix it. She made fresh sweet iced tea for me everyday - and served it in Ann's pitcher. Sweet girl. Such hospitality!!Awww - Tetsu!!! I love this doggie. I don't know what I like most - her curly little tail that becomes straight when she lies down and becomes really relaxed, her big brown eyes that get so excited, her cute little ears that she loves to have rubbed, her stocky little body, her sweet disposition, how she loves to have massages or that she is sooooo sweet!!!!! They did a great job of training her.Looking at the back of Ann's house from Naoki's back yard.Looking from the front yard toward their back yards between the houses.The beautiful birch tree in Lolo's front yard. I love these trees - is it because you very seldom see any if at all down South?My beautiful nephew's beautiful son. He and Page hit it off even quicker than they did a few years ago when they were all down here for the family reunion. They played until they were exhausted. It appears that everyone in this family is very talented including this young man. Like his Dad, his interests are many and varied and he excels at all of them. I love all these pictures of them - their laughter and sheer joy of playing together - brings back many memories of playing with my own cousins over the years. I know it is going to be hard to believe but Michael is only 1 year older than Page. Yep - she is a little bit of love. I love how my nephew and his wife have created such a nurturing environment not only for my great-nephew but also for my sister and brother-in-law next door. They are both running over every so often all throughout the day and night to check on everyone and making sure they have everything they need. Ann has loved Lolo since the first time they met and has told me over and over how she is the daughter she always wanted and more. This week, I saw first hand just how true that was. I was so proud of Page for coming in before we left to kiss Ann good-bye. She allowed me to take a picture of them together and then Michael came in and I got this one of both of them. We finally got back on the road headed South and the scenery was even more beautiful than our trip North. No rain!!! The little mountain roads were much easier to drive and as before, the rental car pretty much drove itself. I'm sure I will be sharing more pictures from this trip and the one I'll be making with my sister Ruth in a few months. My nephew also took some of his Dad's old slides (some were pretty damaged) and made a slide show with them. He copied it to a disk and I all but cry every time I look at it. Kurt loved the old pictures and I can't wait for Page1 to see it. Might sneak a few on here later. Or maybe I will sneak a few on this page and see if she recognizes everyone? The one on the left is me and Eileen at the beach when we were both 14. She is the one in the blue suit and I'm in the red one. There are some that are clearer but you can see how tall I am here. Eileen was almost as tall as I was. The one on the right is my beautiful sister Ann right after she and Tad got married. We were all at the coast together - that means she was only 26 here. Isn't she too gorgeous for words? She still is too me and probably always will be - she is my big sister!! Out of the five of us, she is next to the shortest at 5'1". Wasn't BigD gorgeous back then? I'm trying to remember - this is either our senior year in high school or the next year and we had only been married a a few weeks. I almost succeeded but did get a little wordy after all. Got a very busy day ahead of me tomorrow and haven't even unpacked from the trip. As Scarlett said so eloquently...."tomorrow is another day".

Emotions.......

Whew - the face shows so many different emotions and most are okay to show when appropriate. The hard part is when we are required to keep our emotions bottled up so they don't show on our face - then we can go into the back yard, woods, in the shower, in the car and let those emotions out. Even when they start slipping out when you don't want them to, you "suck-up" and rein them back in until you can feel free to laugh, cry, sob, rant, rage or wail at the moon. There are also those time you have to watch someone you love work hard to keep their emotions "in-check" which makes you want to work even harder to keep yours in check to help them do it. A lot of you know I am out of state visiting my oldest sister Ann and her lovely family. I rented a car and drove to Kurt and Leah's and spent the night Sunday. Early Monday, Leah, Page and I struck out on some beautiful mountain roads heading North. Even though we hit rain and had to take a few "potty-breaks", we made pretty good time and our GPS brought us right to the front door where Lolo was outside waving to us. It made me think of the time my family was driving back home from a visit with friends in Buffalo and were going to stop in to have lunch with Ann and her family. She was outside waving both arms above her head as we drove up and again as we drove away. I will post more later about our trip with pictures. For now, I just need to go ahead and write down the hard news. As you all know, Ann has been fighting Endometrial Cancer for about 3 years including radiation, chemo and other treatments. This time it has bounded back with a vengeance causing one lung to collapse, a bacterial infection and pain. She has dealt with rheumatoid arthritis since she was 23 and the treatments have been pretty hard on her small 75 year old body. My nephew and his lovely family live right next door so we are staying with them (they don't use air conditioning because Ann gets chilled easily) and this old lady can't endure that but so long before she has to trot back over here for some AC. This last hospital stay was pretty much the last straw for her. She went to her oncologist this morning and basically said -"I'm done". I hate that she has lived a minimum of 10 hours (driving) away from all of us for almost 50 years. She hates that she always believed our family would never have to deal with cancer and now not only does she have it but one of her baby sisters (me) has it too. She has fought hard - mostly for her 11 year old grandson but she is ready to settle for pain management, vitamins to give her energy and enjoying whatever time she has left. When I realized she was leaning in this direction, I rented a car and drove up to visit for a few days. I've realized - it is one thing to say - "we will respect any decision you make and support it", but it another to face the reality of that decision being made. I'm glad I am here with her son and his family and that I have one more day to lay on the bed talking to her about our memories of our childhoods (she is 12 years older) and our parents and family. I'm in awe of her strength and hope I will demonstrate the same strength when I need it to be there for her family. I am sad we had to settle for short visits and hour long phone calls. When my Mom died, I became the "go-to" connection with her and have enjoyed getting to know her better. But today, just for now - just color me S A D.

Busy Tuesday.....

Well the "day off" is definitely over. Was remembering our trip to EI and loved this picture I took of beach grass. Most people who know me know I love the color green...see how this tiny green pushes it's way through the sand to the light? So many shades of green to enjoy and I think I enjoy them all. Wouldn't mind having a little "green" in my wallet these days. LOL BigD and I enjoyed our "day off" yesterday. I took two naps - that's right - two naps. The first one was what Mama would have called "fitful" sleep. I Googled that term and guess what - it is a real definition. I realized I was still sleepy so I crawled back in the bed and bingo - success. I felt very rested when I got up and BigD confirmed that I slept good - I snored! ZZZZZZ Yum. Of course I paid for that good nap by not being able to get to sleep until some time after 3AM! Had a very full day in service - went with a friend on her study this morning and then Eileen joined us and we went on Shen's study. Her daughter looked so cute in her little dress and couldn't wait to show me her loose front tooth! I took 2 other pictures of her (with my phone), one of her showing me her tooth and the other with her little shrug that matched her cute little dress but they were too fuzzy. We went back to the KH and met up with Vera and Luz for some return visits. Eileen enjoyed one she had been trying to get way out in the country so the afternoon was pretty successful too. After picking up my car (yep - that same tire was flat again and they found 2 more nails in it - that makes 4 plugs in that one tire over the past 3 weeks) I went to my sister's house to get my hair chopped off. I think my hair is growing faster these days - is that possible? Even Saundra commented on how much it had grown and that was with me chopping some off the top twice. It is so HOT - a nice cool shower was just what the doctor ordered and then we had leftovers and some ice cream. Dwight's niece called and I'm picking up lunch after morning service for her, GG and me and staying with GG while she runs errands. While GG was in the hospital she has been busy - having the carpet and floors professionally cleaned, cleaning out closets and drawers - man I need to hire her to come in here and clean out. I'm making a little headway - little at a time. I love this picture of GG's oldest daughter and her hubby when they were visiting in Alabama awhile back. I grew up with this beautiful woman and treasure all the memories I have of all our adventures together - some wonderful and carefree and others more adult and wracked with the pains and struggles of being grown ups with husbands and children. She has always reminded me of a shiny new penny - beautiful inside and out - her beautiful bright eyes and quick smile and laughter. She is a strong beautiful woman who with her husband has raised three beautiful strong women who knew one thing above all else - they were loved. We started out as girlfriends and we ended up being family and even though we seldom see each other, she will always be one of those rare people you have in your life that you pick right back up with as soon as you are together like no time has passed. I plan to get some things done Thursday afternoon after my doctor appointments - Abi will be spending the night with me and going in service with me all day Friday. Then we have to run home and prepare the vegetables so they can marinate all night for the party on Saturday. Called my sister Ruth and got the good results from her hubby's medical tests. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to go up to PA next Monday and mentioned today she was going to get her tires checked. I told her not to worry if she couldn't go because I was going whether she goes or not. She asked me how I would go and I said I would either rent a car of fly. She said - OK - I'll go get some new tires and unless something happens, I'm going too. Check.

A Good Sunday.......

A good day - ahhhh. Slept late, studied for the meeting, had a nice shower, good breakfast made by BigD, got the roast in the crock pot and went to the meeting. When I got ready to leave the hall, someone noticed that same tire was slack again. What the heck? BigD went and put some air in it and I guess I'll take it back to the shop Tuesday morning. BigD went to see GG today and said she seems to be doing real good. They are still planning to send her home tomorrow so that is good news. I think I've been tagged to make a chocolate pie for her. I cooked some egg noodles for the roast and gravy and BigD said he really liked it like that. I also fixed me some fresh asparagus with olive oil, rosemary and sea salt - he doesn't like it. The neighbor is going to town with the fireworks tonight. I guess last night was a preview. Wish Page could be here to see them -she would like them. Hope everyone had a good weekend........ Wanted to share..... GG's oldest daughter and her lovely family.
Boy with the newest addition to his family - his beloved Dixie Lou. So pretty - can't wait to meet her. Love Yellow Lab Ladies....
My beautiful spiritual Mom with her late hubby, son, his wife and their daughter.
One of my beautiful spiritual daughters giving a presentation at the meeting this past Thursday night. She approached me today to ask if her oldest daughter can start going out with me some this summer - she is reaching out to be an unbaptized publisher. She just turned 10 this past month. Awww - my babies, babies are growing up.
Picture I snatched of some more kids of kids....... Sophie Jane, Poppy, Makenna, not sure, Kalli, Jack, Sawyer and behind Sawyer - Clair. They were singing their ABC's. So cute. Fireworks finally stopped - real big show tonight from the comfort of my living room. Can't beat that.

ARGHHHHHHH

What in the world???!!!!! How many times do I have to ask BigD to be careful when he is cooking on the deck? The only times Miya has gotten outside is when is just lets the screen door on the porch stay open when he walks out onto the deck to the grill. She was gone the longest tonight she has been outside. I finally came back inside and decided to wait it out. After BigD opened the front storm door until the bugs starting coming in and then he came in to go to bed, I got off the phone with Mae (getting caught up on the two memorial services they'd had for her daughter - one down East and one on the farm this past weekend) I went on the deck and when I walked around to the back, she ran off the deck. I then took her food bowl onto the porch and pretended to be pouring food into it. Then I brought it in and put water in her water bowl and turned the outside lights out and she came running in the back door. Or maybe she wanted a drink of my wine? Hmmmm - either way, I don't like the feeling of her being out in the dark alone like that. I can't believe how parnoid I have become with this particular cat but I really want to keep her safe as long as I can.

Aren't telephones one of the best inventions ever?????

Just got off the phone with my beloved Page!!! Made me so happy I had BigD open the bottle of wine I had in the fridge. Yuck - it ain't my favorite wine at all. I'm sure by the second glass, it will be okay. :-) When I reflect on being the parent of grown children it always makes me think of my Mom since I have always felt she pretty much perfected the art of being a great Mom to grown children and grandchildren and especially son-in-laws. If I can do half as good as I thought she did, I'll feel pretty dog·goned good. She had some really positive news to share about her job and life SO BigD and I are celebrating on having such a smart daughter. That's enough on that though - she gets a little antsy if I brag or talk about her too much. I'll leave it at saying from me and Daddy: WAY TO GO BABY-GIRL!!!!. We are so PROUD of YOU as always!!!! Have a great weekend!!! We also want to mention how happy we are about how well Bentley is doing also. I wish I had more pictures of him - I love his face. He has such nice strong features and then these beautiful blue eyes to go with them. I can certainly see what my Page sees when she looks at this special young man. I think we are all so excited about our upcoming vacation in a few months we almost shake like a puppy when we think about it. Page and I were talking about the things we have already bought (or are going to buy) for our beach trip. I have two things lined up (ordered the second one today) that I think everyone will enjoy - especially the kids. We were talking about how happy we are that Ann and Lee are coming down with the kids - we love kids at the beach - I think it reminds us of how special the beach really is. It also did reminds me that I need to have my family over for a cook-out soon. Maybe in the Fall when the weather gets a little cooler, we can have everyone over for chicken on the deck. I spoke with Ruth about our trip to PA and she said that sounds like a plan. Her fire ant bites are much better - mine have about another day and a half before I want to stop chewing my toes off. We were laughing about how susceptible we are to any kind of insect bites or poison plants. My poor Pages both inherited this trait. My Kurt didn't do too well with his wasp sting either. I just spoke with Eileen's hubby - turns out her Mom reacted badly to a treatment she was getting this morning and he said she called around 1pm to say they were in the ER. Then she called a few hours ago to say they were going to admit her Mom and she wasn't sure if she was coming home or not. Poor Eileen - I don't know how she stands up under all the stress she has from day to day. Her hubby is recovering for knee replacement and thank goodness they finally found a pain medication to help him so he seems okay for now. I love Eileen's Mom - have known her since the 6th grade and I hate she is having these health problems. I love this picture of Page - Leah text messaged it to me this afternoon. This was the first day of their District Assembly. I loved going there for our summer conventions. Page1 was a baby the first time we went there and then we went to Greensboro. Kurt was baptized in a pool there when he was 17 and it was at one of the conventions there that he met Leah. Out of that came our beautiful Page2. So I have lots of reasons for loving the conventions there. BigD is about ready to take the steaks and pork chops off the grill. Hope everyone has a great weekend....

Seventh Month, 27th Friday of 2010.....

Wow - how can that be? Mama was right - time actually does speed up after age 50! So many things I've learned that Mama was right about. :-) July is going to be a very busy month. Some reminders to start it off - Jackie and Ed celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary yesterday, beautiful niece turned 36 today, and my Aunt Thelma would have been 89 today. So far, it is a lovely day today. I didn't wake up until 9:30AM! I guess this old body needed it. Have been working steadily on paperwork since I've been up. Getting ready to pay some bills after which I have to do some housework. Then I'm going to work on BigD's books. Hope to work in two studies (one over the phone) this afternoon but will have to wait and see about that. We have finally gotten a little relief from the scorching heat. The relief will be short-lived but I plan to savor every moment of it. I hope to get on the deck tomorrow and clean it off some. Didn't plant any flowers this year - no money or time. I have been so glad I didn't because of the early heat wave. I'm very happy to say that GG (BigD's sister) came through her surgery beautifully this morning! They only had to do a partial knee replacement and she should be able to come home on Monday. Her daughter was telling me the rehab will be much shorter also. BigD and I will wait until tomorrow to go up and see her. She needs to sleep as much as possible today. It doesn't matter how well the surgery went, from my experience with so many of our friends, the recovery is very painful. It will get better but I so hope they keep her good and "drugged" for a few days. I don't know what I would have done w/o my Page after the surgery on my arm. She had it down to a science and kept me pretty comfortable for the most part. My dear Ava (my car) almost whipped BigD's butt yesterday but he finally got it fixed after several phone calls to our mechanic. The funny thing is that he is a little nervous about it because he isn't quite sure how he finally got it to where the horn doesn't blow contantly. LOL So now every time I go to start the car, I sorta hold my breath. Hey - 199,000 plus miles - she is wonderful. She is one of my favorite cars of all time and I will miss her if she ever quits on me. She will be completely worn out (almost is) and has served me and my family well. Since I'm getting "worn out" myself, I have a lot of empathy for her. lololol Okay - enough lollygagging here - gotta get busy again!