Melancholy...

If a person starts feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it can result in melancholy. Thankfully, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't necessarily a train but lately, it has been harder to hold on to that thought. Sing a sad song in a lonely place; Try to put a word in for me; It's been so long since I found this place' You better put in two or three -Sad Song - Oasis I don't know why we are drawn to sad songs but there are so many out there that stir our hearts and emotions at times to tears. Different songs apply to different events in life and for the most part, they are beautiful. I started writing in my blog around 7:20 tonight and was feeling very melancholy but then my sister Rose and her sweet hubby Wayne came by to pick up some videos I have been saving on the porch for her. He also wanted to pick up the memories I have of Ann - he is writing a poem about her and also plans to read some of our memories at her graveside service when she dies. It has been an extremely emotional week - I was so sad that I found myself crying all day last Monday. I talked to Ann Tuesday and felt much better. She said the morphine was working great but I called Naoki after I hung up because I was concerned about her voice being a little drugged sounding. He told me she was that way back after her first big surgery 3 years ago when she was on the same dosage of morphine but that she had been up and moving around a lot more since she started taking it. Getting back out in the field helped a lot but Ann has been on my mind constantly. When I look at this picture taken as a slide back in 1961 when they got married and we went to the beach, it reminds me just how beautiful she was. She was only 26 here which means I was 14. Rose and Wayne totally enjoyed the slides I showed them on the computer - especially the ones of them and their babies when they were so young. I'll have the admit - the King girls really were a pretty group of young women/girls - and Mama and Daddy were proud of each and every one of us. The picture above was taken December, 1964 and I had just turned 18 the month before. Wayne is in the suit, Rose is holding her son and I'm holding Ann's oldest son Warren. You can just see Dee's eyes and the top of Ann2's head. Wayne and Rose enjoyed all of them and I'll try to post more later. We talked a lot about Ann tonight and I printed out some of my memories. I called last night to see how the Hospice Consult went on Thursday and I couldn't understand a word Ann was saying. Lolo took the phone and basically said she wasn't doing well at all. She can't make herself understood (and yes, they counted the pills and she hasn't taken more than she was supposed to) and is very, very weak. It was very emotional and quite a shock. I told them I would try to get back up there. I couldn't stop crying so I called my spiritual mom Cat and we talked for over an hour which helped. The Hospice nurse was to come today so I talked to Naoki while she was there. We are pretty perplexed right now but when Lolo told Ann I was coming up, Ann kissed her hand so I am definitely going. BigD called from the coast to say he would drive me up. We will play it by ear after we see how everything is. Lolo got so excited that BigD is coming - Tad has asked about him a lot so hopefully it will help him during this hard time they are all experiencing. It helps so much to know that Lolo and Naoki are right next door to be there for both of them.