Friday, November 12, 2010

exist, existing, existence...

"To live at a minimal level; subsist; to continue to be; to persist as in old customs still exist in rural areas or they were working for a better existence…..” Sometimes we find ourselves so caught up in "getting through each day" we forget to live each day to the fullest. When I was working as an executive in a high pressure industry, I worked hard to not wish my life away. By that, I mean I tried to live in each day completely and fully instead of falling into the trap of "boy - I can't wait for Friday to get here syndrome". It wasn't easy and took a conscious effort to accomplish that and sadly, like everyone else, I failed a lot of the time. The one area I was more successful with in doing this is when my children were little. I worked at appreciating every precious moment I had with them - realizing how quickly they aren't little ones any longer. When they were little ones, I would hold them for hours as they slept, breathing in that delicious baby smell, feeling their soft skin against mine, kissing their little necks while rubbing or patty their backs to keep them sleeping. Looking at this picture of Page2 helping her Mom babysit their friends older dogs brings home to me how quickly she is growing up. Her wonderful Mom has always tried to keep me in the loop of her everyday life as much as possible but it seems she has changed so much each time I see her lately. People who have known us for a long time, remember how my Page was always so close to me. Even after she got married, she would sometimes come in and plop down in my lap for a few minutes - especially if she was sick. It felt as normal to me then as it did when she was a baby and "refused" to let me put her down for even a few minutes. I would put her in her little infant seat and sing and talk my head off to her while trying to wash dishes or get a shower while she would scream for me to pick her up. Being as little as she is makes it easy for Page2 to still climb into my lap too. Poor Kurt still "wants" to climb into my lap but it isn't that easy these days. :)Ann posted pictures of her babies on her blog today while talking about how big they are getting. I know she is treasuring every single moment with them as babies - it is something a woman will never regret - taking the time to enjoy their babies. BigD is down at I.T.'s cottage with his friends fishing this weekend. The weather is gorgeous and last night he sounded so happy - they had a great day on the water, caught some fish, were eating a great supper and getting ready to sleep and get ready for today. When we used to break away from work once or twice and year and go down to OBX with GG and Papa - it was wonderful being on the boat (no cell phones back then), nothing but the ocean, the sky, the breeze, the little islands near the bridges, the birds, and either relaxing conversation or no conversation at all.A fellow blogger who lives in Paris allowed me to "share" a picture of poppies she took beside the railroad tracks. I do so love poppies...Just looking at this picture makes me want to do more than just exist - it makes me feel alive. Kind of like the scoota-pootin trip I took yesterday. Yeah- I started realizing how much I needed that little scoota when I arrived at my Oncologist's office for my regular appointment and was told - "no - your appointment isn't until December 2nd - oh my - you are the 4th person to come in here today and the doctor isn't even in today". Okay - I'm trying to NOT be paranoid but can all 4 of us be wrong? So I took a different route and it was lovely - the trees are really starting to burst out with color - more than the one or two we have been seeing. I came home, studied for the meeting and was getting ready to get dressed and grab a bit to eat when my oldest female cousin on my Mom's side called. Oh My! I was so excited because I haven't talked with her in years. Then she told me her reason for calling - she was down taking care of our family member's graves and she wanted me to know that Ann's grave has collapsed! Her grandson said he could see a corner of the vault! Then we talked for over an hour so I had to choose between eating, getting dressed and missing an hour of the meeting or calling in to listen over the phone which isn't the same but at least I got the whole meeting. After the meeting - I shot off emails to the local funeral home who took care of everything and this morning had emails assuring me the funeral home down in the country will have it taken care of right away. I know these things happen but you would have thought that stupid man at the church would have told me. Oh wait - what am I talking about? He is the rudest person I've ever had to deal with so it only follows he wouldn't care about it - I mean - it's not his problem. Okay - feel better now. I had one of those nights last night and the last time I looked at the clock it was almost 3am. Since I slept late, I decided to stay in today and get some things done that have been needed doing for quite some time. SO - that brings me back to exist, existing, existence. So even though I'm broke, I ordered tickets for me and Roseanne to see Billy Elliot the Musical at DPac downtown. Ever since I saw the movie, I have been a fan of the show. Everyone who has seen it says it is wonderful so we decided to "just do it"!!!! Since we are going to the Matinee, we will go to the North Congregation's meeting in the morning with Katarina and her family so that will be fun too. Yeah - that's a lot more than's living the moment.
Oh - and one more thing - if I happen to repeat myself from time to time on my blog - don't feel you have to mention it to me. No - really - just skip over those parts. Oh - and one more thing - if I happen to repeat myself from time to time on my blog - don't feel you have to mention it to me. Just skip over those parts. :) And if I happen to use the same picture more than once - you don't need to mention that either. I'm tired of looking back through ALL my entries to see if I'm repeating something. I'm going to be 64 in a few weeks and I'm entitled to repeat myself any time I want to. I've lived long enough to have quite a few memories and if some of them keep popping into my head and I want to share them - I will. And Roseanne - I'm sorry I keep calling you Rosemary in some of my blogs - I really am but now you know how "Shirley" feels don't you? LOL

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