Ann, Biscuit, Keith and Red Velvet Cupcake......

Had a nice visit from Ann and Biscuit.  She picked me up a delicious Shrimp - BLT from Parker and Otis downtown along with pesto pasta and a delicious Red Velvet Cupcake with Cream Cheese Icing. YUM! I put up two pictures of what the cupcake looked like.  The red one looks like the actual cupcake but the icing on the darker one looks like the scrumptious icing.

I sent the telephone picture of Biscuit with her finger up her nose to the kids. She does this to drive her Mom crazy! I didn't want to call her booger eater because I was afraid it would make her want to eat them so I called her "nose picker". She did so good with her potty training - even running down the hall bottomless to show us she had gone potty by herself. BIG GIRL! She totally enjoyed playing in the back bedroom. She played with what is left of the toy bag, pretended to take a nap and according to her Mom, PRETEND is exactly what that has been lately. She is at the stage of still "needing" a nap and not quite wanting one. Keith stopped by before they left. It seems they are all going on a camping trip in a few weeks. After Ann left - we talked about how bad could it be to be going camping with a Martha Stewart. All the little goodies I'm sure she will have to share with everyone. The balloon is there because of Leah.  They have to put that balloon up to the exact height of the proposed tower that will be built there so people in the area can complain if they want to before it is built. She had to tromp into the woods (mosquitoes were eating her alive) and release the balloon and sit there watching it until 4:30.  Wow.  At least she had a pretty day.  I got an email from Duke telling me my results were in from the tests last week.  I then made the mistake of  reading them.  Then I made a bigger mistake and sent them to the kids.  After I did that, I really wished I hadn't sent them.  I didn't even like what I read so why would I put that on them.  Bad Mama!  Kurt laughed and said how confused he was.  I so hope he can come Friday but if not, hopefully he will be able to come Saturday in time to go listen to music with Lee and Keith Saturday afternoon.  Will be a quick trip for him but at least I'll get to see him for a little while. So - that has been my day and so far it has been a good one - sans my reading the report. Hope everyone else is having a good day too.

Old pictures......

I've really enjoyed looking at the older pictures I scanned several weeks ago with KarenH.  I cropped these two of Mama because I caught her in the act of trying on one of my bathing suits many years ago.  She was going to the beach and wanted something newer to wear.

This was the "caught ya" one I got as I walked into the bedroom and then she "posed" for the next one.

My beautiful Mama. She could find something to laugh about no matter what was going on. She had a wicked sense of humor but I can't think of anyone who didn't love her from the first time they met her. Some of her jokes could be a little rough (she worked at Liggett Myers Tobacco Company for 27 years and never forgot a joke) but she heard tons of them at work and never forgot one. Miss you Mama.

Two of my favorite things -- good friends AND flowers....

So the lilies Ann brought to us last week have been gradually opening up and are getting prettier every day.

I got a message from her today saying she and Biscuit were coming and bringing me lunch tomorrow. Joy, joy! So proud of Biscuit (and Ann) - the potty training is coming right along. Pretty soon - no more diapers! Freedom! The beautiful sunflowers were brought to me by Mae. We both LOVE sunflowers. I have a huge bunch of "fake" ones in the corner by my windows. Don't usually like to use fake flowers but they are so cheerful and make me smile - just like daisies do. Who am I kidding? I LOVE all flowers.

I really enjoyed my visit with Judee and Mae - such good friends for so many years. The picture above was taken before I had met either one of them. Check out my hair!  It was taken on a Friday night at my mother-in-law's house. We had only been married close to a year and BigD was in Great Lakes (Navy) training. I stayed with Ruth and her family for a few months during this time but would have dinner with my mother and father-in-law on Friday nights. When her husband was working (he was a fireman) she and her daughter would come with me sometimes. My other sister Rose and her daughter Dee knew I ate there every Friday and would come by some times to visit too. This was the first time I saw Rose since I had started studying in August (I think this was November) and I remember thinking that if she said one word about me studying, I was going to quit. LOLOLOLOL. The picture on the bottom right is Dee and her friend at work.  Let's see - that means Dee was 6 years old in the other picture. I was so young here - not quite 20. I have been thinking about my mother-in-law quite a bit lately - I miss her. GG came by today and we had a really nice visit. I told her about a situation and she was totally involved in our conversation and it made me remember so many long conversations with her when I was a much younger wife and mother. She shared so much of her experiences and wisdom with me and I treasure those special times with her so much. I have been so blessed with such strong older women in my life. Her husband just happened to be one of the few strong men who helped me grow up also. We talked about him some also.

Page2.....

Eleven years ago this lovely little girl came into our lives.  She weighed 1lb 91/2 oz, took a breath and cried when she was born. Her Mom was very sick and they had to deliver her knowing she would have a battle to survive and survive she did.

What a beautiful young lady she has become. I am really going to enjoy my short time with her this weekend.

Katarina and KennaKat

Not too long after Page left for work, I had a sweet visit from Katarina and KennaKat! When I say sweet - I mean sweet.

Not only did they bring me one of Katarina's flower creations (I love green - especially Sage), the brought me these two delicious treats!

We brought out what's left of the big pink bag of toys that are left from our last de-cluttering and she took a new baby doll home with her to add to her collection. Of course she was totally drawn to Princess Miya but since she hasn't had her nails clipped, I was a bit nervous. The good news is she is used to animals but we all know by now how quick "Princess" Miya can turn on a dime. They are getting ready for their week at the beach so I was really happy I got to see them before they left.

Update....

It was so good being with Roseanne today.  She came over with the two bottles of KJ she had bought me and had a bite to eat with us.  I wish I wanted wine - maybe it would make things better?  I gave her my ticket to the ballet for Sunday - in case I decide not to go.  If I were going to have the surgery Monday or Tuesday, I knew I would want to be home with Page and BigD Sunday.  It turns out I'll not be that "fortunate".  Is this the third time I've mentioned the hurry and wait process?  Your rational mind tells you to understand that you are not the ONLY person in the world that needs surgery or has cancer but ya know what? That just doesn't help very much.  Kitty called from Dr. Scher's office a little bit ago and it will be October before I have surgery.  I know - crazy isn't it?  She was going to schedule me for pre-op with Dr. Scher on the 29th of September but he is already so booked and he had mentioned he wanted me to meet with the radiation oncologist so she has scheduled me for pre-op (where he will explain the surgery and all the risks) on October 4th and is in the process of setting up with the radiation people too.  They have to have the DaVinci robot to do the surgery and they only have two so he only gets it on certain Tuesdays. Hello?  That is the reason for the wait.  She has me definitely scheduled for surgery on October 17th but is going to try on Monday to change that to October 10th.  She will let me know Monday if it will be the 10th.  So that is where we are and I guess as soon as my toe likes shoes again - life will go on.  And that ain't too bad I guess..........We were hoping for the surgery next week so Page will more than likely be going home this weekend and will come back for the surgery.  I have really appreciated her being here to help us with all the stuff we are having to take in SO MUCH.  Thankfully she is able to work from home and is working as we speak.  BUT she really needs to be in the office as much as possible for when she HAS to be here working from home.  I'm going to miss her when she leaves but am grateful I can look forward to seeing Kurt, Leah and Page next weekend.  So that's all the news I have for now but please - since this has jacked my anxiety level back up a few degrees again - any prayers to get me back into the "zone" would be appreciated.

Stuff.....

Yeah- that is the only thing I could think of to call this entry.  I started to call it Up and Down or Yo-Yo but decided stuff would be more appropriate by the time I finish it. I just deleted everything I had typed and will just give you the "highlights".  Tuesday was a crazy day with three appointments - had three chunks of meat yanked from the bottom of my nasal cavity, had needles in my big toe and tip of my nose (OUCH) and places shaved and scooped out (nose sore but toe hurts), met with oncologist who had no clue I had even been diagnosed with Melanoma because the Pathologist never wrote a report before he left town until October.  On a plus side, we had lunch at Spartacus - one of my favorite restaurants from when I worked in that area.  We still had time before we met with the oncologist so we went to Foster's Market and I had their scrumptous key lime pie, Page got a huge brownie for later and ate one of the delicious chocolate chip cookies and she bought BigD a huge piece of coconut cake.

When we got home Tuesday, we had the sweetest surprise on the porch. Sweet Ann had brought us fresh eggs from her hens, and tomatoes and flowers and fruit, chicken salad and pasta from Whole Foods and of course a box of the best little sweets you could ask for from there also. I think the delicous croissants she brought are the best I have ever eaten.  I ripped a piece off and smeared it with Nutella - I think I heard singing. I put the flowers in Page's room for her to enjoy and they are starting to open up. Wednesday I spent three hours in the scanner - legs, full body, neck - crazy.  Love having radioactive material pushed through my veins while I drink yucky stuff mixed with Crystal Light then having contrast poured through my veins twice (makes your skin hot all over) in a freezing cold room by yourself moving back and forth through a doughnut that makes loud noises, thunks, clicks, beeps.  You get the picture.  Then we met with the two men who are over the Duke Center for Blood Conservation to give them my Medical Directive and sign their forms.  It was part the pre-op for those who refuse to take blood.  If you look at the picture in the top right corner, these are a few of the little gifts I received in the mail from my sweet Lin.  Little things I might need in the hospital and nice soap.  She is so sweet and thoughtful too. Another highlight was Keith coming over to eat spaghetti with us last night.  He called as he was going into a BS to see if Page was here and I told him to come eat spaghetti with us after the BS.  He did and they drank wine and got caught up and had me laughing myself silly at their silliness.  So that was Tuesday and Wednesday - did I do better keeping it short and to the point Keith? :)

Spiritual Food, Family and Friends....

Woke up super early yesterday morning and had to wait for Roseanne for the very first time since we have been going to assemblies together!  What a wonderful treat to not only get the much needed spiritual food but to be with our children and some of my extended family through my dear Leah. I don't remember if I properly thanked Leah's family for saving us the best seats I have ever had at a convention. I felt like every talk was directed to me personally and I do believe I needed that.

Have been busy answering the phone this morning. Really need to get up from here and get busy. Want to change the sheets on Page's bed and do some paperwork. Dr. Sharpe called a few minutes ago. She just wanted to check in and see how I was feeling. I did get to ask a few questions and she kept telling me to call with anything I need. What I need. I need for people to pray along with me that “…I will not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving MY (and YOUR) petitions will be made known to God; SO the peace of God that excels all thought will guard MY heart and MY mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.” and that Jehovah will give me the faith, strength and endurance to make good decisions and get through this...whatever this happens to ultimately be. I also need to stop clenching my jaw!!!

Scan, scan, scan....

Karen arrived Saturday around 11:10am to set up the slide scanner and get started scanning the slides that have my children on them.  First she looked at all the scans to find the ones we needed.  While she did this, I set up my scanner and started scanning some old pictures I've been planning to scan for several years now. BigD and Karen enjoyed getting caught up and we all enjoyed looking at the pictures.

After she found the pictures - she started trying to get the scanner hooked up. I finally called my computer guru (her nephew) and he said he would come over in a bit. By the time he came and got it going plus tweaking a few things on my computer, they were starved so she went to dinner with him and his family. She came back later and scanned all of the slides for me in no time at all. Whew - at least she knows how to do it now and will be able to scan all of her Mom's slides for her family.

Love these pictures of Page and Jeri's youngest son - she started out on the stoop, insisted on getting down, had her picture made with Scott and that was when she noticed the hem of her little pants were damp from the dew and Jeri said there was no stopping her - she was not going to wear wet pants. :) Believe me - from the time she could talk, she would let you know in no uncertain terms what she would not wear.

Awww look at Page with Kurt. If you look closely at the top picture on the right, you will see how big Kurt's "binkie" was.  It was the only one he would use and it pretty much fell apart and that was that! I think I'll keep my scanner right beside me so I will be more inclined to do more. You know, Jeri was such a special person - she truly loved all babies and was so used to having so many - what were a few more? Gave my babies good memories. Miss you Jeri.....

Where to start......

Anyone who reads my blog already knows I have a tendency to ramble on and on and on - SO - let's see how good I can be at concise and to the point. Long story short - the good news I received from my doctor and the biopsy took a really big U-turn. Turns out the place in my throat is Melanoma! I know - one of the scariest words in the world - right up there with Cancer! They were looking for the cancer I do have and the Pathologist sent her the "good news" before the final two studies came in. I really want to be the following person:
"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit. - Dawna Markova"
And most of the time, I think I achieve most of this .... however .... I'll have to admit when I heard that word in connection with my throat - I felt like a bull had kicked me in the stomach. I have a friend (and a sister) who don't want to share things with people - keep everything really close to the vest so to speak. My sister became so obsessive about it over the years I was determined I would not be that way. Besides - how can your friends and loved ones be there for you if they don't know there is a need? I've probably gone in the opposite direction to an extreme at times but for the most part - my life is an open book - ergo - a blog for goodness sake. SO - I've let everyone know what is going on, when my upcoming appointments are and will continue to let them know what is coming down the pike because I need their good, positive vibes coming my way and their prayers for me being sent to the heavens.

Receiving beautiful flowers from my Pittsburgh family certainly brightened my day. I still have three pretty blooms from the flowers my babies sent me and the yellow mums Carolyn brought me. I have three medical appointments on Tuesday with ENT Surgeon, Dermatologist and Oncologist then have a PET scan Wednesday morning followed by an appointment with my favorite person right now - Dr. Sharpe. Whew. Page told me last night she is driving up Monday evening to go with me. If they do the surgery next week - she will stay, if they schedule it for later, she will come back. Double Whew. Roseanne and I are driving to Salisbury to meet our children who live in Virginia there for their Special Assembly Day. Can't wait to see them. SO - any positive thoughts, vibes and of course prayers are certainly welcome.

Anniversaries.....14th!!!

Wow - Happy 14th Anniversary Kurt and Leah!!!!! Sometimes it seems like Leah has always been my daughter and at other times, it seems like they just met a few years ago.  Congratulations you two on reaching this milestone!

On that note, it doesn't seem like it has been 7 years since we celebrated at the coast for that special anniversary when we were all together celebrating several things and Leah received her special gift that I hope she will always cherish. I know Mama would smile if she knew about it.  Every time this particular picture streams across my computer screen, it makes me smile.  Next year we will have to plan something special.  Since we can't go the coast for a week in September because of Page being in school now, maybe we could all meet at your place and do something with the whole family.  Let's talk about it at the beach in November.  You should be proud of yourselves - especially after the tough few years you guys have had but you survived the stress and worked through it together.  Now you both are in new jobs and Page2 is back at school and growing into such a wonderful young lady - you have much to be thankful for and should feel proud of yourselves.  I was going to scan your wedding pictures into the computer - however - like so many things I have been "going" to do, it hasn't been done yet.  Maybe in time for the 15th!  Whew - that gives me a year! :)  Love you.......

Is Miya is getting cabin fever.....or just missing her Daddy?

I think Miya is trying to figure out why I've been home most days during this past month. She is used to me being away at least 4 days a week.  Rose (Big Al) came by to visit with me tonight and Miya was all over her.  She has always been very friendly to guests and obviously thinks it is her job to come out and greet anyone who comes in the house but tonight it was crazy.  She would even nip Rose with her teeth to get her attention. Rose kept changing seats until

she realized Miya was just trying to love her. :) I think she misses BigD too. Check out how long her nails are - have got to get them clipped. Finished my WT study and trimmed my hair (only on top) so it hopefully wouldn't look too bad.  Not sure when I'm going to be able to get it cut.  Called over there earlier with the intention of getting it done and within one minute realized that wasn't going to happen today.  : (

Good friends and GOOD news!!

Let's start with the GOOD news!! Dr. Sharpe called at 5:30pm and started the conversation by saying - This is Dr. Sharpe and I have GOOD news!  Isn't she wonderful?  She said there were no T-cells and another kind of cell and that was good news. She said other stuff but I was mostly hearing the two words - good news. I still have infection so she called in another 10 days of antibiotics, I'm to see her next week and then she is going to follow me for awhile to make sure it is all clear.  She said the reason I still feel so lousy is the infection (be a month Sunday) and that hopefully I'll start feeling better soon.  Yeah - I'm looking forward to feeling better and be in the mood to party.  I was looking at the pill bottle last night and found out it was the antibiotic that was making me dizzy.  So - I called Luz and asked her if she would drive me (in my car) to run two errands.  I just don't want to take any chances while on the meds - so she took me to the post office (we just found out our local branch might be closing down soon and that is a bummer) and the grocery store.  I needed some basics.  Then Keith picked up my meds at the pharmacy for me and came to visit for awhile. You all know what a good friend Keith is so I'll stop talking about that.  SO - I'm happy - happy to get the good news, happy to know the reason I still feel so bad and happy to have my new Doctor in my life (and corner).  Now there is one more thing that I think will make me feel a little better - a hair cut.  No really - it is sad how shaggy and bad my hair looks.  "There's a party going on right here - a celebration - to last throughout the year...."  - yeah --when I "really" start to feel better, I may just have to have a little party to celebrate with some of my girls.

And even more surprises.....

Had another one of those wake up at 3:30am and back to sleep close to 6:00am nights again so BigD didn't wake me before he left.  Roseanne text messaged me when she was coming over and I jumped in the shower real quick.  After visiting a bit, we went to lunch at the Grill and then had PEDICURES!!!!!

And then another surprise - Vera came out of the dentist office and saw my car with the little ladybug dancing in the front window and came right in to see us. She had come by the house and seen Marlan's car so she figured that was where we were. I was so glad she came in for two reasons - I have missed her and when I realized I had either left my phone in the car or the store next door where I bought some water, she found it for me! Whew. After that we came home and did our Family Study for tonight's meeting. So nice being with Roseanne after such a long time apart. Then BigD came in with another surprise...

My sweet little package from Sonia in France. I ordered this little pincushion she made and she included one of the tiny little wrist-bands she makes. She is the one who made the beautiful bigger one I bought Page2. I'm glad Page2 still loves and wears it. I need to figure out how to make links so I can share her blog and esty shop with you. If you would like to have it, just email me and I'll send it to you - or you can check out the blogs on the right side of my page. There are several wonderful artists on there. Have one more day of the horrible uber-strong antibiotic tomorrow and then hopefully I'll start really feeling better. I'm tired but am planning to go to the meeting tonight. Can't wait to see everyone. Dwight had a fishing trip planned but told the guys he couldn't go today because we were waiting for the phone call. Since we hadn't heard yet - I called and the doctor's assistant told me it "might" be tomorrow but if not wouldn't be until Monday and even may not be then. I told BigD to go. As I told Leah, I would rather he go and feel bad about leaving me than to stay home and we not hear until the middle of next week and me feel bad about him and his friends missing their trip. I guess after living with the man for almost 46 years - I've taken on some of his traits. Is that good or bad? Things that make you go hmmmm?

What a nice surprise....

Have been going through some old files and cleaning out "stuff".  Decided it was time to bring some order to my world of disorder which means lots of garbage bags will soon be full.  I find it is better to do it in "spurts" - as in "spurts of energy".

One of my "welcomed" interruptions was the delivery of these gorgeous flowers from all my babies! So sweet! Within a few minutes, there was another knock on the door and there was my beautiful sister-in-law - GG. She runs her errands in the early afternoon hours so as not to be on the road with a lot of traffic. We all appreciate her being so careful. She will be 82 next February and that is still so hard for us to believe. I was glad BigD came home while she was still here. He has a bill he wants me to invoice for him. Of course Princess Miya was all over her and even tried to scratch her when she ignored her. Reminder to self - take Miya to get her nails trimmed.

Funny thing is I had just opened an email from PetMeds and it had a picture of Miya on there. No - really - this picture was inset into a phony $5 bill with her name written under it. At first I thought it was just a picture they had inserted but as I look at it again, I think I might have sent them a picture I took of her - from the beach maybe? When I joined up, I had to tell what kind of cat I had and I figured they put that on the $5. I'll have to admit - either way - it is a great gimmick. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get my hair cut off AND please, a pedicure! Have felt better today - the really strong antibiotic still makes me sick to my stomach for awhile after I take it (yes - with yogurt) but I'm really looking forward to the meeting tomorrow night. I have missed everyone so much.

Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky .....Stormy Weather

Billie Holiday was a beautiful woman. Her voice is one of the most recognizable voices in history. She was only 44 years old when she died.  I remember hearing about her from a young age.  It makes me happy that my parents both loved music.  I still love the old musicals we used to watch on TV.
The stormy weather we have been having all day made me think of her tonight and one of her famous songs. The picture of the tornado was taken in the North Durham area this evening when there were tornado warnings. It has been raining steadily for awhile now. We need it but I hope no one was hurt in any of the storms.  I wish I could say all the rain has cooled things off but it hasn't.  I went on the porch to get Miya about 30 minutes ago and it was steamy.  SO - went back to the doctor this morning and she did the

biopsy.  She said some of the swelling has gone down but there were still two little spots that didn't belong.  I didn't take any pain meds this morning so I could drive myself and was feeling okay but knew as soon as she cut the little chunk of meat out I was in trouble.  She numbed the area the best she could considering where it was and the actual cutting was the only thing that really hurt.  I'm to finish the antibiotics, keep taking the pain meds for another day (mostly for the biopsy area now) and watch for bleeding.  She told me we should know something in 48 hours.  We then talked about what we would do either way the test came back and have a plan of action.  Either way, she will continue to monitor this site until it has completely healed which it hasn't so far.

I still love my little ladybug Leah gave me at the beach. BigD looks out at it when he is on the porch and laughs at how it moves in the sun. It helps me be a better driver too - I don't make really sharp turns these days -- don't want to upset her. The little lump in my new comforter is Princess Miya waiting for me to come join her. I'm almost finished with the last of my Sigrid Harald Series by Margaret Maron.  Boy - this last one almost took my breath away in the very first sentences.  Now I can anticipate her new book coming out in November which has a nice surprise in it.  So - going to take my drugs and head to bed.  Hopefully I will have a turnaround day tomorrow and feel like getting out without being drugged.  If I don't get a pedicure soon, I'm going to trip over these toenails!!! MISS EVERYONE!

Misinformation.....

Misinformation is false or inaccurate information that is spread unintentionally. It is distinguished from disinformation by motive in that misinformation is simply erroneous, while disinformation, in contrast, is intended to mislead. After being given a print-out of my appointment and being sent two, separate reminders of the appointment, we showed up to find everything closed.  Several people questioned my having an appointment today because it is a holiday, however, I mistakenly assumed they knew what they were doing.  As a matter of fact, the doctor scheduled this appointment in the computer herself and gave me the printout.  SO - don't know for sure WHEN I will see the doctor but will let you all know when I do. 

Something upbeat.....

Yeah - I think I need to write something upbeat after the last two posts I put on today.  I got a nice phone call from Kurt - he was driving and wanted to just check in.  As I've gotten older, I require less in the way of covers on my bed at night.  HOWEVER, I have had a hard time finding "one" thing that works.

Miya and I have enjoyed the lightweight blanket I've been using along with a summer quilt across the bottom of the bed. Lately, I've been waking up feeling a little cold. I decided to go ahead and order me a new comforter. BigD loved his comforter but wanted one that wasn't as hot as the one he had so I ordered him a "summer" or "lightweight" one and he loves it.  I used to love sleeping under my comforter but the feathers were starting to come through the cover and it was just too hot. Another thing I didn't like was it didn't come down on the sides long enough. I guess enough people complained because.....

they finally had one that is not only lightweight (and w/o feathers) but hangs down far enough on each side! Ta Da.....It came in the mail today.  I've already tried it out - one of the naps I'm forced to take when I take the meds - I LOVE IT! Miya visited me and seemed to like it too. Dwight fixed himself some shrimp for dinner and I ate a baked sweet potato and some left over roast.  Not very hungry.

Wanted to share pictures of two little boys who started kindergarten this week - one on the left is my great-great nephew and the one in the middle is Lee and Ann's Boy. Also a great picture of Keith with his Mom and Dad.  Keith stopped in to visit with me yesterday when he finished service. We ate some of Rie's leftover pasta recipe I had made and he said he liked it.  His Mom, Gail, has been so sweet in keeping up with me this week.  She has always been so encouraging to me.   Been getting sweet text messages from my fellow pioneers - I miss everyone and will be so glad to get back out and about and FEEL BETTER!

A Sharp Doctor.......

I saw Dr. Donna Sharpe with Duke Otolaryngology of Durham Wednesday and feel like I have hit a gold mine with this one. By the time I got there - I was so tired from hurting and feeling so bad for so long without knowing exactly what was going on that I got emotional.  She was wonderful. The first thing she told me was to never let anyone shoo-pshaw me when I'm in pain.  After doing a thorough examination (magnifying lenses) of my ears, she told me it wasn't in my ears and she felt it was somewhere in my throat.  She performed different types of examinations and then ran a scope through my nose into my throat and found the problem.  Thank you!!! The official diagnosis is: Nasopharyngitis with lymph tissue enlargement. Left Eustachian tube is obstructed and the ear pain is referred ear pain via the Glossopharyngeal Nerve. I know - lots of big words aren't there? She found two pus pockets about the size of the head of a Q-tip each and had already noted the swelling from the outside and said it was much worse inside.  She prescribed me two antibiotics and some heavy duty pain meds and wants me back in the office Monday.  I feel like a walking pill bottle but am so thankful for the pain meds even though they make me feel --- drugged. :-) We had a long talk about my lymphoma and she explained that yes - my immune system is compromised and then told me I should think of it as a "chronic condition".  One that requires me to get a lot of rest and keep the stress level down as much as possible.  She asked me who to send her report to and then asked if she could pull up my last PET scan from Duke.  When she got it and started reading it, she pointed out that there was a "hot spot" in my neck in the exact spot of the infection. I'm like - oh.  That when I come back Monday, if it hasn't improved significantly, she wants to do a biopsy.  Okay!! That came out of left field.  SO - that raises a few questions doesn't it?  To be honest, I hadn't even thought of my cancer except in the context of how bad I feel for a longer period of time with every "little" thing that has come my way lately. When I went for my check-up, they told me my numbers looked great.  It really never occurred to me my cancer could be causing this.  I also hadn't really thought a whole lot about it until I just started typing this entry.  I have been focused on taking the meds on schedule and trying to keep the pain under control but when I just typed it - it did feel a little strange.  I'm going to continue focusing on pain management and getting rid of the infection over the next two days and let Monday bring what it will. 

Daddy.....

Daddy would have been 97 today if he had lived.  He was 65 when he died in February of 1980. It is so hard for me to believe I will be 65 in a few months myself.

Such a strong influence in my life. Lots of memories - some good and some not. Mostly good these days - amazing how the bad things fall away through the years.  It's called life.....miss you Daddy.