Taking control ..... yeah - right...

Had a pretty rough night and early morning with mucous, scabs and pain in mouth and throat. Page ordered several more tubes but we think we may need another machine - this one doesn't have the power it did.  I also had a problem with two meds getting caught in my throat area and that cause much of the serious problem in the night - SO - decided to forgo the nausea med that causes me to have nausea lately just will not go down and so far, have done okay.  We crushed up the antibiotic insides and most of it went down.  NOW - I'm starting to feel that sick feeling so thinking about seeing if my GP will call in something else for nausea - maybe a suppository. SO tired of meds - can't even begin to tell you how tired I am.  I really, really don't want to do the nausea pills I have now though. Might call my pharmacist first and see what she might recommend.

Here is a picture of our neighbor's dog - Rex. He always barks whenever anyone walks across my yard. He is pretty isn't he? I miss having the dog on the other side who would also bark if someone came through the back on that side too.

I had to share this picture of my old friend - Lora and her young friend. This was from the convention and I keep forgetting to ask if the coordinated their outfits before they came. Two beautiful women -

Also Dee with her new step-son-in-law from the wedding. My oldest niece whom I have loved from the moment I laid eyes on her. I was her personal slave when she was little. Yeah - she's still bossy. Just kidding Moni! I had to toss some of the old flowers out but the amaryllis and most of the ones in the green square pot are still doing okay. My schedule for having the cancer removed from my nose has been set for March 12th. Yeah - another surgery - can't wait. SO - who is really in control here? Evidently not me because I'm starting to feel really, really sick to my stomach and may have to re-think my plans. On the other hand - it doesn't feel that different from 1:30am this morning when I got sick. Who knows...we'll see said the blind man.....
Leah said they send Kurt to WVA to work today so she will be very surprised if they come before tomorrow and will let me know when she knows when he knows - who knows?

Miscellany...........stuff.........

Where was I? Man - time passes and yet stands still at the same time. Things came to a head last night and I finally had two or three melt-downs. Several on the phone with medical personnel and a dear friend who let me download like a big ole baby and one or two big ones with BigD. Poor Page - she is probably torn between hating to leave the two of us to play nice and not wanting to come back to the two of us "working" at playing nice. I think the big one BigD and I had was the best one because we both got to say what we wanted to say and guess what - the world didn't come to an end.

The beautiful necklace Page made for dahlink Katarina - the earrings are pretty too. The group just dropped by for one to use the potty and to let me meet a new sister in our congregation. Seems very nice - of course I had just gotten out of the shower and my pitiful hair is wet. Wow - started this entry several days ago and just now getting on the computer for the first time about a hour ago.

The Princess in all her glory - not long before she knocked the liquid Oxycodone off the table onto new chair and carpet. BigD found out Greased Lightening does do a pretty good job -thanks Gail.

The other Princess in all her glory torturing me and her Mommy because we kept telling her "not to pick her nose" so of course what does she love doing???? Oh yeah - the next few years are going to be so much fun to watch.

So WHO in the house is allergic to cats? OF COURSE - Roseanne! And WHO does Princess Miya HAVE to rub on, lay on, get as close to her face on? Roseanne!!!! Bad Miya - Bad Girl.

My beautiful new earrings Page made me! She also cleaned my little diamond studs for me. Almost had to re-pierce those holes and they are still a little sore.

Beautiful flowers Karen brought me a long time ago - they took their time opening and are still beautiful - wilting a little now but still holding their own. The Paperwhite Page got me isn't doing anything yet.

Two old friends I thoroughly enjoy stopping by this past weekend! Eugene and Marty stopped by with a nice gift from an anonymous giver and to talk about the upcoming pioneer meeting tomorrow afternoon. It has been so nice to see a few more of the friends lately. My babies will all be here this weekend - can't wait. Feel bad for BigD - he is suffering with a bad cold we think. I know - I'm just hoping beyond all hope that I don't catch it.

I can't believe I haven't gotten a good picture of our new furnace/AC system yet but the weather has been quite rainy, gloomy, and sad.  The new system is so quiet and works so well.  It has been needed for a really long time.  No one can accuse us of not using stuff up!  SO -- will sign off with another view of the glorious flower from a few days ago when the sun was shining.

Remembering.......

Life slowed down enough today for me to reflect a little on the past few days.  Sadly, one of those reflections brings feelings of deep sorrow.  When I was a young teenager, my cousin married a young girl I fell in love with the first day I met her. My mother loved her too which I'm sure influenced me a bit. This is a picture of me and him at his Mom's grave side service in 2004. My Aunt had called me from her home in Florida several months before she got sick and came home. It was Dink who called me from the hospital to let me know she had come back home, when she got very sick and when she died.  She was my Dad's youngest sister and divorced so we saw her more often than most of the other Aunts and Uncles on Daddy's side of the family. My Dad's Mom lived with us off and on during my youth and they would come to visit her there. I remember him always being a part of my childhood.  Once we grew up - we saw little of each other as it usually goes in families. When they first got married, they lived in one of the big old homes downtown that had been turned into apartments. One night they came over to our house and when they got ready to leave, asked me to go home and spend the night with them.  That was pretty exciting for a teenager (they were a few years older then me but she was a teenager too).  That old house had very tall ceilings and no heat and it was freezing cold! Finally my cousin and his wife felt so sorry for me laying on the sofa alone with their one blanket (I think they heard my teeth chattering and they were freezing too) so that they asked me to jump in their bed with them.  Boy - they didn't have to ask twice - I was only about 14 so we really were kids but my dumb cousin made a stupid joke about having two women in his bed when in all reality - he had two "girls" in his bed.  I'll have to say Dink was a lot warmer than Gene and I were because she was in the middle.  She finally asked why we kept turning over and we all died laughing because he and I were turning over to get the other side of our bodies warm against her.  I don't think anyone got much sleep and we were up and out of there on the way home to Mama's for breakfast early if I recall correctly.  After that - their lives went in the separate direction

of working and being parents to two beautiful babies and I finished school.  We lost touch after they separated and divorced but would still see each other at family functions - until I ran into her one day out in service.  The kids and I would drop in every so often when we were on that side of town and I got to see her kids a little that way.  Dink called me this past week to let me know her beautiful 47 year old son died suddenly of a heart attack last Sunday.  I know she was in shock and just calling everyone she could think of to tell them the horrific news. This sweet girl had found out about my cancer when she called some one and  was in double shock and that made me feel so sad because she kept apologizing and I haven't really been able to be there for her at all. I was looking at his obituary on-line tonight and realized he was born on my birth date when I turned 18. I just can't get them out of my mind. When I read some of the comments about him - I think I would have liked him a lot.  His sister is beautiful like her Mom isn't she?  I'll always feel sad my children didn't get to know this part of my family and that we weren't close any longer.  I'll always feel happy Dink came in my life and that something clicked with us that has endured more years apart than closely together. I pray she will find a measure of 

of peace as time passes. From the things I've read and heard, he was well loved by those who knew him and had a happy life. I look forward to feeling better so that soon, I'll be able to see her and know for myself she is doing okay.

One more radiation, three medical appointments and the beat goes on, and on and on......

BigD just walked into the living room and said, "you have got to  be kidding me". I had to laugh because he just entered my new world. He thought it was morning and it is only 11:52PM.  Yesterday's treatment was extended a little due to the machine needing some work done on it.  We had our weekly visit with Dr's. B and B and our nice nurse.  Her biggest concern was bowel movements - or lack thereof. Please - wish that was my biggest concern.  After they finished with the machine, it took longer to get me in the mask and set up than to do the actual treatment. Rie and her Mom came to clean the house yesterday so it was nice coming home to a clean house - especially the kitchen and bathroom.   We got home about the same time that Fran drove up from Oak Island and Keith came in from field service.  We all enjoyed getting caught up.  Fran brought her juicer and some fruit and BigD talked her into staying for spaghetti and Italian bread with use (them). Fran also brought me a little gift that I LOVE.

I loved telling her I already had one just like it but now have one for the other coffee hole in my car! RubyD called and I asked her to come over and visit with me and Fran. Once she got here, we talked her into staying for dinner. BigD rode over to Boyd's for a beer (or two).  BigD had already started warming up his meaty spaghetti sauce and this is them watching the pasta water boil. Fran made her delicious Italian

(buttery/garlicky) bread and it all smelled too good. It was nice listening to them talk about things other than ME and how I FEEL!  My sleep pattern has been so far off it isn't funny.  After BigD got home, they all ate together while I drank some Ensure - yum.  We begged Fran to spend the night but Ash was expecting her and we understood she wanted to be with her new twin grand-sons and to help out as much as she can.  RubyD agreed to come back Friday to spend the night with us. That made me happy because I'll know she got enough sleep (for some reason I thought she had to work the next day.)

I think being around BigD and having him stress to her how much he would love to have her to please come stay over-night from time to time made her feel more comfortable so she will come over this Friday and get to spend some time with Page and me and sleep good for a change.  I am so proud of Rubyd - she plans to start regular auxiliary pioneering in January now that she has changed her work schedule.  She is so encouraging to me when I look at her and how good she feels right now after going through some pretty rough chemo.  Rie and her Mom re-arranged some of the flowers I've gotten while they were here - saving the best for as long as we can.  Love me some fresh flowers hate they only last a little while.  Love that almost as much as I love clean floors, tubs, showers, sinks and toilets.  BigD and I stripped the day-bed and plan to put it back together tomorrow.  That is where Cody will be sleeping when he gets here in a few weeks.  I plan to set up a bedside table with a lamp for him to use.  BigD said the new gas furnace/AC should be up and running next week!  Woo Hoo.Very happy about that - mostly because BigD is very happy.  I was SO sleepy at 7:33pm that when BigD came into the bedroom, I asked him to climb in with me for a few minutes.  We both went to sleep after which I had a coughing spell around 11:45PM.  I was wide-awake after that and it was then that he walked into the living room amazed that he had been asleep that long in the bed.  Welcome to my world.  I'll be awake for awhile, but hopefully, I will fall back to sleep early enough that I'll get better sleep tomorrow night.  I love the small collage above - one of AJ  - a fresh new slip life who reminds me so much of her Nani, one of a husband helping his wife in her wheelchair after her radiation therapy, two of the scar everyone says looks so good on my neck but still feels tres' strange to me, one of the first blisters on my lip that has never completely healed and one of a new day at the coast - all scenes that have played a huge role in my life since this past August.  Page will get to meet Dr. Ready with us at 9:30AM on Friday and then with Dr. Hathorn at 10am on Monday.  I also just received notice of another appointment on January 4th at 11:30 with Dr. Brizel (Radiation). And the beat goes on......the beat goes on......yaannnaa yaannnaa yaaaaaaaa - the beat goes on..

Nice weekend winding down.....

It has been so nice having Leah with me this weekend after such a rough week.  The bad side effects continued and ended with us being in the hospital Thursday and Friday from 9am until after 3-4pm receiving fluids, pain meds and treatments.  On Friday the two doctors put their heads together and found a nausea medicine I could keep down long enough for it to work.  When I looked at the side effects of it, it was a little scary so I spoke with my pharmacist and Sher and they assured me the short period I would be using it wouldn't be bad and so far it has been okay.  BigD left for the coast at 4am Saturday and had a great time fishing with his friends.  I was so happy he got to go.  Leah has taken very good care of me - we watched movies on Saturday and just hung out getting caught up.

I also got some beautiful flowers this weekend - some "just because" and some for our "46th anniversary". Leah also bought BigD his own pair of "crocks" and me a pair of my favorite bedroom shoes. She also brought her Mom's steam cleaner down and cleaned our "nasty" living room carpet. One place is destined to be stained so I told her to just give up on that one. The picture doesn't do the flowers credit - they are all beautiful. For those of you who read my blog - thank you to: Patsy; Samantha, Leah and Kurt (including the special card); Lori, Paul, Tadashi and Brandon; Karen; Lise and Chris; Deborah and Matt. Ann and Lee came over Saturday for a nice visit and brought me some special tea blends and BigD chocolate covered cherries for our anniversary. Wm Walker also dropped by on Saturday with my KM's so we all enjoyed visiting and getting caught up. I did pay for it later by losing my voice but it was worth it. Leif and Erin came by today with some left-over Ensure and as always, it was nice being with them. LinLin also dropped in on their way home from the meeting.  It was nice being able to listen in today - I was so sick Thursday there was just no way.  SO - as they were taking the mask off on Friday after my treatment, one of my technicians whispered in my ear, "okay - it is getting rougher now but you only have four more treatments - you can do it".  After we got back to my area and the curtains were pulled almost closed, BigD and I saw a woman walk by and we both recognized her right away.  It was ArleneG - she was there with her husband.  He walked with her up to visit with me for a few minutes.  He was there for his first visit so hopefully he got good news.  BigD and I were talking about how long I have known him - I remember teaching him how to drive with straight drive in my little blue VW beetle when he was going for his license.  They both look great.  Leah told me Page2 had called several times when I was taking a nap so I called her back and her Papa told me she was in the bath.  She finally called and got me and sang me the sweetest song she had just for me.  Can't wait til we are all together in a few weeks.  I hope I have been getting enough fluids this weekend and will not have to be "hooked-up" all day anymore.  Once I get the phone call letting me know that Leah is home safe and sound - I'll be able to sleep better.  Have a great weekend everyone.........

Happy 46th Anniversary BigD.......

WOW - 46 years BigD and I have been married!  This year we are purchasing a brand spanking new Gas HVAC system as our gift to each other. It should be up and running no later than Tuesday.  Ann's lovely family sent us a beautiful bouquet of flowers which I'll highlight later today.  Woke up around 1:22am and couldn't get back to sleep so decided to stay up until BigD gets up to head down to the coast for a day of fishing with his buddies.  Leah drove down for the weekend earlier tonight night.  I'll write more later..........

9 Treatments down - 5 more scheduled......

Okay - it has started.  Some of the side effects they tried to prepare me for.  Nausea was the first one and now both sides of my throat are raw beyond belief (especially the left side where most of the surgery took place) and hurts unbelievably to swallow anything a lot of times.  Sher called earlier this week and said she was coming over to make me smoothies one day and we picked today.

Now you might be saying - big deal - but you know what? It IS a big deal. This is a woman who works full-time, was out in service all day today, lives several towns away, went to the grocery store before and after she got here, fixed two smoothies to find one I could drink, brought supper for BigD, rubbed my feet with lotion and cheered me up unbelievably. She also got our old flashlight, used the handle of a spoon and took a good look at my pitiful throat. BigD was totally "smitten" by the time she left even though she popped him his flu shot. He was just talking to Kurt about her and telling him how wonderful she is. Yep - she has a new fan. I already was one. Thank you Sher - and yes - the nausea med did help tonight.  I'm also happy to say I made it to the meeting last night.  RubyD met me at the back door where BigD dropped me off and we sat in the library.  I started feeling pretty sick before the end but made it and got to speak to some people. RubyD brought me home and I was tired but so happy I made it. Keith has been SO supportive through all of this - he came over and walked with me one day and I leaned down and picked a tiny yellow dandelion out of the yard and said, "aren't yellow flowers so happy?" and so what did he bring me this week? Yep - a sweet bouquet of "happy" flowers! Such a sweet young man. I also want to share a picture from last weekend when Ann came over with the kids. Biscuit has fallen in love with my children's "OLD" green rocking chair.   You can also see the little stash of toys she finds in the back room.  I don't have many left for kids her age but
she seems okay
playing with those few.  What a pistol she is. I know Ann is enjoying every moment with her. I can't believe how much she has grown. So here I am - 9 treatments in and all next week has been scheduled.  I'm still trying not to anticipate the worst that can come but deal with what is already happening.  I'm grateful to have such supportive family and friends to encourage me.  Leah just called me to tell me she is coming down next weekend - to see us, for our 46th anniversary and to bring her Mom's carpet steamer to clean my pitiful carpet in the living room.  Man - it needs it.  What are we doing for our anniversary?  Well - I considered asking for some 1/2 (each ear) carat diamond studs like Page1's but we are getting a new gas furnace/air conditioner.  Yeah - that's where we are in life - diamonds or furnace.  No contest.  I think they will be putting it in next week so BigD and I may be sleeping somewhere else for several nights.  SO glad this week is over and I have a two day break - I'm not one to wish my life away like this - but really - SO GLAD.

Drum roll .....Great News for a change - sorely needed....

I've told the few people who were aware of what was going on so decided to go ahead and make a positive post for a change.  As you know, last Wednesday, we met with my Radiation Oncologist - Dr. Brizel.

He had the resident, Dr. Barkdoll, take a picture of an area in my throat that concerned him and when he showed it to us too - we were all three alarmed.

BigD and I said - boob tree - which I'm sure went right over their heads but that is what it looked like. There is a tree down

the street that looks like a pregnant woman with boobs. SO - drumroll - we met with Dr. Scher on Tuesday morning for the biopsy. He numbed the back of my throat with spray and shot novocaine into the area of the two nodes. While waiting, I asked him what the plan was if it came back positive and Dr. Brizel had changed the radiation to include this place. He explained that Dr. Brizel would make a special effort to zap these two places strongly after which he, Dr. Scher, would perform surgery to get the rest. I felt much better - a plan of action. He wasn't going to be in town and didn't expect to hear anything before next week so we have been in that hurry up and wait mode again. Today Dr. Brizel met with me after my 7th - count it - SEVEN-th radiation treatment. He told me he wanted to let me know right away that the biopsy came back negative - granular scar tissue. WOO HOO! I hugged him of course. He was so pleased. He stressed to me how anxious he, Dr. Barkdoll and Dr. Scher had all been. So I told him that was why I loved my team so much - they really care. He and Scher evidently pushed it through STAT and I'm so grateful. Then he looked in my mouth to check an area (same area as original pain) that was hurting as of this morning. He said it was very raw from the radiation and gave me some suggestions including taking my pain meds. So I took one Oxycodone and hope it will be enough. Don't really want to be "drugged" again unless it is absolutely necessary. You would be amazed by how much adding or taking away one med affects the rest. SO - I did well in the mask, listened to James Taylor, got GREAT news, have a pain med working on me - oh yeah - I'm probably feeling happier right now than I have in a long time. Was hoping to write some letters so I could report a little time this month but not sure that will happen - we'll see. On the way home from my biopsy yesterday, we drove past the KH at 12:05 so I asked BigD to pull in so I could say HEY to all my pioneer partners as they came back for lunch. It was SO good to see them. Just got a call from one of my spiritual daughters who heard the great news and she made me feel sooooo good. Yeah --- – let’s color today - a good day.

Enough about ME.....

Had a busy but good week for the most part.  Page got in from Atlanta Tuesday night and was able to go with us to my last radiation on Wednesday last week.  Sadly, we got some disturbing news - turns out the lumpy - bumpies the radiation oncologist questioned over 3.5 weeks ago and the surgeon said it was nothing became a little "more" defined" - "two defined" places.  He took pictures at which time Page asked him what did the surgeon mean when he said he got it all and the margins were clean and once again, he said this particular melanoma is extremely aggressive and will go where it wants to.  The surgeon came over to look and he wasn't happy at all.  He said he was concerned and wanted to do a biopsy (will be tomorrow morning).  The radiation oncologist told him he wasn't too far in with my treatment to make some changes if needed.  The surgeon took my hand and said "now - it could still be scar tissue".  I'm like - Yeah - right!  Felt so good about how well I did with the radiation and then this.  BUMMER!  So tomorrow I go at 10am for biopsy and then go back at 5:30 for more radiation.  It took me awhile to settle down into the mask today - lots of reasons including the ever changing mucous that almost chokes me now.  Love my team - they told me to stop apologizing and to trust them that they understood. ENOUGH ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!
BigD and Kurt went fishing Thursday and Friday and had a really nice time.  They caught about 60 pounds of blow-fish which they both love to eat.  Ann came Friday and brought the kids and a nice big ham.  Page and Leah made green beans, deviled eggs, and Leah's famous Mac N Cheese.  They made a bunch of "pain-killers" and were having a good time. Keith came by to hang out with them and we all felt for a bit like we were at the beach.  Thanks guys - that was fun.

Matt took this pitiful picture of the two of us and the next one of him and "his" girls which was a little blurry.

The best one taken though was the one of him and Page - she offered to "pose" as his older girlfriend to beat off the girlfriend wanna-bees.

What are good friends for - right? He loved it. We all loved her new very short hair cut. I think she is enjoying it too. Very easy to take care of. Kurt, Leah and Page left Sunday night for home and Page had to be at the airport at 5:45 this morning for a 7am flight home. I miss them all......They will be back the end of next month but how can I wait that long? I think it's called '"""" having NO choice"""""".

Radiation #2 done, done...

We were called and asked to come early which was good. Got there even earlier than expected took my "happy pill" and was taken back about 40 minutes after that. It didn't seem to take as long today - I still had to do my

deep breathing and pray quite a bit but they said I did good. I can't stress enough just how very tight the mask is.  We go tomorrow at 6:30pm and Wednesday at 3:30pm. Go figure. Since Gail and Rie were still cleaning our nasty little house, we ran a few errands for BigD while I sat in the car including picking up another box of Ensure from Costco....

I took a picture of the sky with one tiny bare tree which shows just how quickly Autumn has come and gone. The weather was pretty mild today but the nights and mornings are quite chilly for this old Southern Lady....

The house feels and smells so nice and clean - Rie and Gail will never truly know how much I appreciate it. BigD does too - especially since Page will be in late tomorrow and Kurt, Leah and Page2 will be in Wednesday night. BigD bought me a Cook Out Chocolate Malt Shake and after two sips - NAH - tasted so bad it almost made me cry cause I really wanted it. Oh well - soon.

I'll just look at my sweet bobbing ladybug and it will make me smile. You know - after all - tomorrow is another day.
We lost a wonderful friend/parent/mother/grandmother/woman this week and our love goes out to her family. I met her and her beautiful husband first through my Mom (she worked with my Mom and would give her a ride to work at times and her beautiful hubby repaired our washers and dryers for years). Later, I met her through my niece (actually- BigD's niece) when she dated and eventually married her younger son. We have enjoyed being in their company as part of a big extended family many times and she always made sure to tell me how much she loved Mama. Our thoughts and prayers are with the family...... Farmor will be missed by many.

I guess it is official --- I'm a Ninny.

So after looking up the word ninny and finding quite a few definitions - I chose this one to describe what I was yesterday: NINNY - Someone who is afraid of everything and has no courage; see pansy.

BigD and I got to Radiation Oncology on time after finding our special parking place and where we are supposed to put our Blue Appointment card. They called us back where we met our Technician

who had my mask in her hand. I have her name somewhere but can't remember it. I felt pretty good - got right up on the table, held on to the the handles that held the foot plate against my feet which pulled my shoulders down - exactly like when the mask was made. They put the mask over my face (which is now very hard) and pressed it tightly against my nose and face ........... take if off, take it off!!!! OMGoodness - I had no idea it was going to be pressed down so tight. SO - I didn't make them wait around - when they offered the anti-anxiety med, I said absolutely. SO - that meant I went to the back of the line while the doctor was called, a prescription was ordered. The doctor wanted to give me a script for it so I can have it for each appointment if needed but he wanted to wait and see how loopy I was after this appointment. He gave me 1 mg and said if I was a little loopy, he would make it 1/2 mg. That was fine with me. So back to the waiting room for it take affect and this time I did good. I couldn't believe how tight it was on my forehead (large red mark there that lasted awhile) but it has to be tight so the machine will hit the right mark every time. That works for me. They took quite a few x-rays while I was in the mask. I apologized for being such a ninny and they kept assuring me that tons of people have to have help - some for every appointment - others get used to it and don't need it.  Yeah --- I'm a ninny.  He gave me 1mg and I told him if BigD thinks I'm loopy, I'll cut it in half.  Since next week, the Radiation Oncology Department is closed Thursday and Friday, my first treatment will be tomorrow morning at 9am followed by my second one on Monday at 12 noon.  When they asked, we let them know we preferred early morning appointments so we'll find out Monday what our future appointments will be.

They put a new mark on my chest and put tape over it so I don't wash it off. Okay - when did my chest get so old looking? Oh I wish I could tell Eileen's Mom how right she was - she told us to notice how nice our skin was while we were young because it won't gonna last! How right she was.

A look at the pretty tulips Sher brought me earlier this week. They were tight little buds when she brought them - I told her to just pick a vase from the stash and she picked one of Mama's! So I don't only look at the flowers and smile and think of Sher, I smile and think of Mama too! I believe I got the best and most (total) sleep last night so far. When I picked up my prescription, the pharmacist suggested the biotene chewing gum for when I wake in the middle of the night with horrible dry mouth and it worked!!!!! I also picked up and used some nose breathing strips last night so maybe together they worked. Gotta get up and shower and dress. Lora and Elbert are coming for a visit later.
I almost forgot to mention the PIE! Darrell and Mich came over last night and Darrell brought me his home made chocolate pie - his Mom's recipe I think. I was quite excited and hated to call to tell him - I couldn't taste it - BUT BigD could and said it tasted a whole lot like Mama's recipe. Oh Man! He will have to make me another one when I can taste again. I can smell the bacon BigD is cooking right now but can't eat that yet. We are going to put the pie in the fridge (what's left of it) so Page can try it. They are on their way to the beach - be the first time we missed being down there this particular week in years.  Of course, if the weather is good, BigD, Kurt and maybe Tony are going to drive down to fish a few days while Page, Leah and Page2 are here with me.  Hope it all works out.

Busy day......

Today has been a busy day!  I slept pretty good the early part of the day but only got an extra hour in later this morning. Oh well - I'll take what I can get. Sweet Sher called to say she was on her way with the stuff she had picked up for me. What a loving friend she is.  She told BigD she would be back Thursday with his flu shot and he told her how he hates needles.

She not only went out of her way to pick up a few things I'll need once radiation starts but brought some extra goodies too. I enjoyed walking in the yard with her since it was such a pretty day. The leaves in my yard are so pretty - especially since they cut down so many of our trees the ones left look pitiful. Then Rose came over and brought some key lime pie from Fosters. I was so disappointed because I could barely taste the key lime but the whipped cream on top was good. So I asked her to walk with me too and unknown to us, BigD caught us on camera.

Okay - I can tell I'm really giving too much to my left side (arm and shoulder on side lymph nodes were removed through my neck) and need to work harder on my exercises. BigD just reminded me I need to get my driving license renewed this month. That should be great picture to last 5 years. Man! Page told me to call them and put it off. Hmm - might just try that. BigD bought me a humidifier but we aren't sure it is the right one. Leah told me to wait until next week when she and Page are here and if it isn't, they will take it back and get the right one.

And I almost forgot to mention two new arrivals - Fran's daughter who lives near Kurt and Leah and grew up with Kurt welcomed their twin boys today. They are so cute.

Those who don't play backgammon ---- accessorize

I have a feature on my desktop that streams all my pictures across a small window. This one caught my attention today. It was taken almost 5 year ago this January and is Page2. Look closely between her toes....

I like to think of it as being part of her strong creative streak! Actually she is very creative in many ways. She gets it honestly from both her parents. Her Mom was telling me she played her guitar for her classmates and the teacher said it went very well, that Samantha was very comfortable and the class enjoyed it very much.   I can't wait to see her and all my babies in a few weeks. 
On another note, I had my dentist appointment this afternoon.  I can't believe how cold, wet and raw it has become.  I haven't walked in two days and I think it is supposed to be even wetter and colder tomorrow.  The hygienist was very nervous but did a good job.  She had to put some sweaters in a plastic bag and make a pillow because my head wouldn't go back far enough.  She was very careful and gave me a box of children's toothbrushes that are much better than the ones I bought as well as some samples of the toothpaste and mouthwash they want me to use. Of course Dr. J was wonderful as always.  He sanded the chipped place on my front tooth and will bond it later.  We think they might have chipped it when they intubated me. He wants me to use the mouthwash he prescribed for germs but I told him I would have to pass it by the radiation team.  As wet and dark as it was, we drove through a big neighborhood near our house and the leaves were beautiful - especially the reds.

On my own.....

After promising BigD I wouldn't eat, take shower, walk outside or do anything else but drink water, do my studying and go potty, he decided to work this morning.  I expect him back anytime so I can get a shower before my dentist appointment.  I'm a tiny bit anxious about the thought of sharp instruments inside my poor mouth but so trust my dentist.  Hopefully the hygienist is good too.  I realized I couldn't find Miya when I woke up at 3:22am.  I even looked on the porch to make sure we hadn't accidently left her out there but no Miya.

I was very happy to be visited by her once I got in my chair with the plush throw that Page bought me and is so deliciously warm over me. As you can see, Princess Miya likes it too. She is a little antsy lately. Now that BigD is the one who makes sure she gets her heart medicine, he is taking it very seriously. If he doesn't get it in her at night, he will grab her in the morning. She was so funny this morning - sleeping so sweetly until she noticed him bringing me MY meds. That was all she wrote - haven't seen her since. :)

Too many friends..... not possible

One time my sister-in-law told me I knew too many people. I thought that was so funny at the time but I'll have to admit, I do know a lot and I think more know me than even I realized.  I have attributed it to coming from a large family of girls who also have lots of friends, still living where I grew up, the many congregations I've been a part of, my extended family through my hubby and my work with the personnel agency.  I communicate pretty regulary with a friend up North and a new friend in AC - one whom I've never met face to face and yet we are quite close.  A friend said I had to also put it to my outgoing personality - who me?  That outgoing personality has been put to the test these past few weeks since I have been having to fight the inclination to crawl into a nice warm shell and hibernate until the bad stuff is over. I didn't even realize I felt that way but one of my really close friends evidently did and will not allow that at all. The funny thing is - her son was on the same page as she was. So Keith came and walked with me and had a talk with me the other day and his Mom, Gail, came today and cleaned my whole house.  BigD is ill because she absolutely refused to accept pay.  We both appreciate it SO much.  She had pep talks with my while she was cleaning and I do appreciate everything she said and know it is all true.  She put my new sheets Page bought me on my bed so maybe I'll sleep better tonight?  We'll see.

Bri sent me this picture of her little girl with her newborn. Roseanne was driving her back to Virginia after having her and the girls stay for awhile. Lani is looking more like Bri than ever. I think Very looks like Roseanne. We'll see.

BigD didn't wash dishes last night so he brought me my Ensure in one of my favorite glasses...yeah. So we are getting things ready - going to dentist tomorrow afternoon - have to have teeth cleaned before radiation starts and I think they chipped the corner of my front tooth with the tube during surgery so he will smooth that out too. I dread the thought of sharp instruments in my mouth but it has to be done. There are some things I need to get and have on hand before everything starts too. Rie and Gail said they will help me with my list when I'm ready. Everyone is being very careful to not touch me - trying to keep germs away so I don't get sick before the treatments start. It was a very pretty day but I didn't get a chance to walk. It is the first day I haven't so I don't feel too bad. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep a little better tonight. It's supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow but should be pretty again by Friday. I'll miss everyone while they are at the SAD Sunday. It's just knowing none of them are in town. I'm so glad we went when we did with our kids. Okay - that's enough....

I really don't have a title for this entry so will just touch base by putting up a few pictures.  Been three Up and Down weeks since the surgery and believe me - you really don't need to hear any of the "gory" details. We met with my Radiation/Oncologist team today - velly interesting and scary at the same time.  If goes as planned, radiation will start week of Thanksgiving when all the kids are here.  Very detailed preparations - more on that later.  Can't even begin to tell everyone how much their love, support and especially prayers have meant for me and my family. BigD is taking very good care of me. Page made some spreadsheets that tell him exactly what to do with meds, etc.. So many flowers and beautiful cards.  Rose sends me a card every day and when Leah's parents were on vacation, they did the same thing.  So sweet.

I've saved all the cards and will treasure every one of them. I so appreciate the calls and emails. I don't wander far from the house except for medical appointments because of the feeding tube. BigD is very concerned about germs as we have entered flu season and it would not be good for the treatments coming up.  Not too much to share but just wanted to thank everyone again for all their support and to say I'm still here.

D-Day or should I say daVinci Day.....

Either way - I'm ready to get it ALL OUT!  Woke up from a good sleep around 2am and knew I would not be able to get back to sleep.  We have all had our showers now and are just waiting to leave for the hospital.  Page bought me another pair of yoga pants and I'm wearing them, one of my big "men: denim shirts and my clogs.  They told me to wear a button up shirt because that is what I will be wearing home. Guess it will be hard to pull something over my head.  They have tried to prepare me for some significant pain for a few days.  Everyone has been wonderful and I so appreciate all the prayers that have been going up for me.  There is probably a long journey ahead but I am so ready to take this first step - think I will feel much better once I know they got all they could and hopefully radiation will take the rest.  So let's get'er done!  Poor Princess Miya is very, very confused right now. :-)

Visit from Alease, flowers, nice ride in the country.....

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood......it really is. We had a nice surprise visit from Alease - GG's oldest daughter and one of my oldest friends. She came bearing gifts - flowers! She and her hubby had gone to the Farmer's Market and picked up this gorgeous bunch of flowers.  They look so good in the vase Ann brought her flowers in don't they?

Look closely at the picture on the top right - it's the picture Roseanne took at the coast of the moon on the ocean. She used a 10 second delay and it's perfect. I love the moon and I love the ocean - I really love the gold reflection off the sea oats. Alease, BigD and had a nice visit talking about our cats and their escapades. She looks great - she always has and probably always will. She is bringing us a chicken casserole Sunday. After I took my shower, I asked BigD if we could go for a ride - I wanted to see some leaves changing color!

I was a little disappointed in the lack of color but after speaking with Leah on the way home, she said they aren't seeing much in the mountains yet either. We rode out to Lake Mickey and then just kept on going for awhile. I got a few leaves in my back yard and took a picture of the pitiful little rose bush I planted the year we moved here 36 years ago. If we remember to cut it back, we still get roses every year - just a few but hey. So Leah was allowed to leave early today and wanted to let me know the results of a test her grandmommie had - not good results.  Hate it for her - she is 81 but quite strong so now she will have to hurry up and wait.  :( Just got a call from Duke - have to be there for surgery at 5:30AM.  The clock is ticking.....

Roseanne......

Roseanne came to see me today - my dear, dear Roseanne.  We talked, we ate, we talked some more, we laughed and talked some more.  What we do best.  One of the things we laugh about is how we are one of the best kept secrets in our fair city and world.  Only our children actually know how close we actually are and even they aren't totally in that loop. :)

The is a picture taken of us in 1981 - not long after we met and became friends. We had a great adventure that night but that can wait for another picture and story. It involves a mechanical bull and the police department. Yeah - adventure. She has always lived across town and her children are a little younger than mine. Even though I am a little over 7 years older than she is - we clicked right away. We were raised in different environments (she is from the mid-west) and yet - we are sisters in so many ways. I am pretty much an open book on a lot of things but there are parts of me that only Roseanne knows about. I trust her completely. She is a wonderful woman, wife, mother, grandmother and friend. She is also my spiritual sister and has been blessed with tons of common sense. We both love our children fiercely and therefore, love each others children the same way and that includes in-laws and grandchildren. Because of logistics - much of our earlier friendship was via long phone calls. She hates to talk on the phone as a rule so I know I'm pretty special because we had long phone conversations when the children were all younger and I worked long hours with travel times being over an hour to get home some nights. She bought me a lovely gift I will share later. It was taken last week but more on that later. Today was just about US - being together, eating Chinese, sitting on the deck and getting caught up with each other.  Love you Roseanne........