Monday, November 5, 2012

So many emotions........

How is it possible to experience such deep sorrow followed soon after by a happy feeling about something else? It is hard to explain our reactions to life's events at times. I do think it is true that what doesn't kill/destroy us can make us stronger. The being stronger of course comes from the endurance of something hard and coming out the other side intact (and maybe a little wiser). Of course, the older you get, life teaches you the hard way that you can (and will) endure things you might have never dreamed would even happen in your life. I suffered off and on from severe anxiety most of my life without really understanding exactly what it was. I finally saw a commercial with Lucinda Bassett and ordered her tapes. I listened to them and then returned them (they were way too expensive) but I was on my way to understanding what anxiety truly is. Then I purchased a smaller package she had that had a part about fear of flying and between that and some other reading, I came up with exercises, both breathing and mental, that helped me work through things in a healthy and rational way. Learning what agoraphobia really is set me free. I'm very happy we went up to see Douglas, Jessie and Page this weekend. We got on the road Saturday and stopped by the farm to see Ennis on our way out of town. I'm so glad Judy was there and we could hold on to each other for a little while. It brought back painful memories of another time with the two of us being together in the same living room watching someone else in a hospice bed while counting down the last hours and minutes of a beloved ones life. I am glad I was able to kiss Ennis one last time and whisper into her ear how much I loved her and would miss her. Since we had to make a stop in Roxboro, we hooked the GPS up and went on a real adventure. The countryside was gorgeous but it got a little crazy with the GPS having us do u-turns and taking us back and forth until we found the right highway.
I didn't realize how much weight Vincent had lost this year. I know he is 15 years old now but it made me a little sad. I am glad he wanted to lay on me for a little while but it was too hard for him to jump up in my lap - especially in my "chair" but I did enjoy rubbing him a little.
I took a picture of Page in her new hat that Pam made her. She liked it a lot and it will look nice with her new blue coat.
I love the pajamas and robe Kelly bought Page. Leah proceeded to show me the rest of the outfits Kelly had bought Page from Garnet Hill and I loved every one of them. She really has wonderful taste and a knack for buying the correct size for everyone.
I was so glad to see Jessie's Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle who also came over for dinner. Jessie's Mom bought Page a gift for making such good grades.
She and Page had been to a festival of sorts and met an older woman in a wheelchair who made a hand made music box. Page fell in love with it but the woman had already promised it to someone else. Jessie's Mom secretly had the woman make this one just like it for Page which really excited her. Her Mom also brought me a lovely gift - this beautiful orchid. 
We laughed because neither one of us knows anything about taking care of an orchid but she said maybe Jen would be able to help me since she used to raise them. I will give Jen a little time before asking her about it. Of course Doug and Jessie outdid themselves with the dinner they fixed.
Dwight said Douglas aced the BBQ chicken. He also grilled flat-iron steaks and hot dogs. Jessie's Uncle made a carrot cake and everyone said it was delicious.
Carmen couldn't wait for me to hear Page play the guitar. She is excited because the lessons she has been paying for all this time are paying off. She actually plays very well. Then Page brought out this little "quaint" banjo and you would not believe how good it sounded when she played it. Amazing. I slept okay in my chair after we put extra quilts in it. Sadly, I received a text message a little after 4am letting me know Ennis had died a little before 4am Sunday morning.  There is a big hole in my heart right now.  The family took very good care of her and I know she would have been proud of them.

We all went over to Ikenberry's Orchard before leaving the area Sunday and I bought some unique gourmet bubble gum.  Dwight was hoping to buy some pear preserves but that was the one thing they didn't have.  Poor thing - he had his mouth all ready for some. 
I also bought some Horehound candy.  My Grandma King used to have these candies and would share them with us from time to time.
They are very soothing to my dry mouth and raw throat so I'm enjoying them. Douglas was very disappointed that the crepe truck wasn't at the orchard while we were there. Evidently it showed up a little after we left and they were able to enjoy some crepes.
Jessie said Page got a fresh strawberry and Nutella crepe with powdered sugar on top. Double Yum.  The ride home went okay - I was getting pretty tired but my car seat goes back far enough I am able to get a little more comfortable.  Jen sent a text message telling me the family would be at her house to eat and would we try to stop by on the way home.  It felt good to be with everyone for a little while. I am sorry I didn't get to see Judy but she was beat and had gone home to sleep.  Tony said they would decide how things would be handled after the SAD next weekend.
The one last highlight was being able to not only see the new baby but to hold her. What a delicious little bundle and so pretty. Her name is Paisley - how sweet it that? Her Mom was hoping she would wake up soon to nurse. Brought back good memories of when my babies were little. And so ....... life goes on........

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