Fourteen Years.......

At times it seems like it was yesterday and then it seems like ages ago. This picture "almost" mimics the tree Mama looked at out her window that beautiful October she was confined to her bed before she died. Interestingly, I feel I know Mama better now than I did before she died. Through the letters she wrote my sister Ann and my thinking about her every single day has kept her close to my heart in so many ways. There aren't too many days I don't mention her in conversation - especially with old friends like Rosemary, Eileen and Ruth. When I look at Page2, I wish so much Mama could have lived to experience the miracle of her life and that Page could have experienced the wonder of this strong woman. When I look at Leah, I wish Mama could have seen what a beautiful, generous woman her Kurt married and Leah could have met one of the most important people in Kurt's life. When I look at Kurt, I know she would have enjoyed seeing what a strong handsome man he has become. She would have celebrated his marriage, becoming a father, and his many creative talents. When I look at Page, I know she would be so proud of what a beautiful, strong woman her Page has continued to become and how she is so loyal to her friends and family. She would have been her champion through hard times and let her know she believed in her no matter what. I know Mama would have loved meeting Bentley and knowing he came through his surgery so successfully and that he continues to grow stronger every day. I would have enjoyed watching him fall under her spell and love her as much as all our husbands have. I also know she would probably be complaining about all of them living so far away and not being able to see them as often as she would like. Ahem. When I look at my siblings and their families, I know she would have been so proud to have such a large family who may not see each other as often they would like but who are always there for each other whenever needed. So in a way - it has come to this. From losing my oldest link to Mama when Ann died to being with Eileen when her Mom died and being with Ruth when her brother died all since the end of July, I come to this anniversasry of losing my Mama. A beautiful woman who worked hard to keep her life simple; who loved her husband and children without question; who embraced her daughter's husbands as her own sons without question; who embraced her grandchildren without question and who stayed true to who she was to the end. Always making other people smile with her quick sense of humor in the darkest of times and always listening without judging. I went to my dermatologist for my annual skin cancer screening this afternoon and as soon as she walked in and said - "so, how have you been?" - I found myself tearing up for no reason at all. Then I remembered these past few months and told her it had been a little hectic with illnesses, hospice and loss. Then I came back home to do BigD's bills and when he went to pick up dinner, I decided to write about Mama and have had to stop several times because I finally just lost it. I guess we all need a good gut-wrenching sob every now and then. The older I get, the more I know how privileged I was to have her in my life and I will miss and think of her every day for the rest of my life. Love you Mama.....